I have hope, but not confidence. the reason being the failures. Too many failures. what shall I do other than hope and pray. Will the prayers be answered ? I hope again!
Failures gives you pain, each in different way. Will it make me strong? Not sure. whats the point of failing so many times that eventually you dont enjoy anything. because you are expecting something wrong. You are not sure/confident that you got a success. YOu have failed so much that you dont care for success anymore or it does not give any joy. because you are fed up with the problems. THere does not seem to be any light at the end of tunnel. When is the end of tunnel reached ? If the tunnel is so long wrt time of life — that to at some good moments of your life, then whats the point of pain. If pain is making me stronger, what is it making me stronger for ? Or for higher pain which is coming. Basically in the loop of failure and pain. The pains which you cannot tell express to anyone. And even if you express what are you getting from it. Other than the person consoling for a moment.
However I still hope, for the simple reason that its the only thing which is nice and gives something to hold on. Hope to live one day with some joy, with some calmness, with some fun. Hope to have confidence to do achieve something and enjoying the success out of it!