The Key to Creating Lifelong Clients? Grow Them Yourself!

Building lifelong clients from scratch used to be hard. Gathering the necessary material involved unseemly midnight trips to the graveyard, and homunculi production techniques were unstable. Neither method created an audience that could truly scale.

Today, however, growing a loyal, compliant, multigenerational audience has never been easier. Here are three simple tips that can get you on the way to commanding legions of fans that can thrive for many years, subjective time, for a minimal upfront costs.

Use Reality Generators. These days, even local libraries and convenience stores seem to have their own Reality Generators available for public use. No longer the exclusive territory of hobbyists, Reality Generators allow anyone to create entirely new realities, or modified versions of their present realities. Of course, after their creation it’s a philosophical question as to whether you actually created something or not, due to the inherent consciousness modification.

The Calabash™ Pocket Universe. While marketed as a children’s toy, the Calabash Pocket Universe is a highly versatile tool, and packs quite a wallop! Designed for young people to create entire universes that can fit in their school bags, the Calabash Pocket Universe allows you to inspire and manage colonies of evolving — albeit very tiny — life forms. Through add-ons, growth accelerators can quickly get you to the point where multiple civilizations are ready to consume your product. Play your cards right, and you’ll be the only game in town!

Create self-replicating robots. While the ethics of creating self-replicating robots may be up for debate to some, rapid growth of robot clans can quickly create markets ready for you to lead (through the monopolization of key resources and anti-self-destruct nutrients). Control over sentient artificial life forms can be tricky, but through advanced manipulation of the OpenQNL quasi-natural programming language, measurable results have been achieved. (Please note that Early Clues LLC does not endorse the use of OpenQNL to control any life form as defined by Universal Free Realms principles. More information here.)

There are many companies already using these simple techniques — including my own. You yourself may be a synthetically created market and not even know it! That’s the beauty of being fully in control of your own lifelong clients — there’s always somebody downstream. Try it today!

Dean Hammer is the Dean of Psychic High School. This article was originally published on LinkedIn.