E06 筆記 interview notes
messy messy interview notes…
跟參與的受訪者都對話完了，但有點難沈澱心情跟資料好好對話，我的筆記都是為了當下訪問時好拉話題，過了我就看不懂了。根據之前的訪問和受訪經歷，我原本斬釘截鐵的深信訪問者話少最好、話多帶風向，然而我訪問到第二位時就開始給予回饋和肯定，因為我忘了這是對話。
我的受訪者或許不能得到什麼實質的回饋，但我能夠給他們的就是肯定他們的教學和教學信念。在考試時，老師說了一句我現在才領悟的話，身為研究者，我跟受訪者的差別就是我花很多時間在想這些他們在做的事。
他們是多麼需要肯定、多麼需要別人跟他們說：「你已經做得很好了」，這句話讓他們的表情放鬆許多。當我跟他們分享我自己的教學困難和觀察，好多人說：「跟你講一講我好多點子！」或是「聽到不是我一個人這樣太好了！」有人一開始說，就停不下來，一直寄教學材料給我和跟我分享學生的作品。多元文化通識課在美國是很不被重視的課程，但又因為多元議題它其中的困難其實是很大的，而老師們在種種困難和被消耗信念中往往會充滿徬徨，可以在訪問中肯定他們或許就是給予參與者最直接的好處。或許這就是研究的意義，讓大家知道他們不是孤單的，還有幫大家省下很多自己一個人苦惱的時間！
同時這也是對我自己的肯定，這不是浪費時間、毫無用處的題目。
I haven’t had the chance to comb through my research data yet. Even though it’s summer, or maybe precisely becuase it’s summer, I cannot settle down and talk to the data. My interview notes are just as restless and chaotic as I feel now. The notes are for pinning interview conversation points so I can circle back. They become gibberish and unreadable the moment the interview ends. In my past interview experience and training, I believed that I should not be speaking a lot, in case I put words into my participants’ mouths. However, I have come to change that practice for this project with teachers, for I forgot that interviews are still dialogues.
My participants have no physical benefits or incentives besides their good will for participating. But I noticed my validation of their teaching practice and pedagogical values IS the most valuable and direct way I can give back to them positively. As my committee member reminded me, even though we are all teachers, as a researcher I am spending an abnormally amount of time thinking about what they are teaching and doing. Always reflecting on teaching is not a luxury that teachers often have.
My participants are passionate and very competent, but they are often isolated and devalued due to the characteristics of a GE course. They need validation and I am so glad that I was there to give it to them during the interview. Letting them know that they are doing innovative teaching or that their frustrations are not exclusive, lights up their face. I will even share my observations and even early emerging findings from the research. They often share so much more once they feel confident and accepted. Maybe this is the point of research, saving other people’s time and letting them know that they are not alone.
At the same time, I feel validated in my research when these exchanges happen. I feel that this work may just be useful.
