Re-branding the Australian Right.

The feelings mutual.

When you imagine a typical conservative they’re probably aged, graying and strongly opposed to avocado and/or lattes. For a gay male under 25, no-name student who’s pro-gun and anti-interventionist it’s rough traversing this dated conservative/libertarian landscape down under and worse again trying to represent it. It’s a landscape populated by such iconic figures as dear, cringe inducing Pauline Hanson. Despite global success for political avenues of the alt-lite it’s still an uphill battle on the cultural field and new blood might be the only solution. Confused as to my predicament? allow me to elaborate.

Please Explain!

For most of my high school life I was swept up in what I now refer to as the Oppression Olympics, a concept also known by it’s proponents as intersectionality or intersectional feminism. The idea that one’s experience in life is determined by the crossroads of their identities i.e. white, male, gay and middle class. I represented everything I oppose today by defining myself as part of many groups.

To give you a sense of the scale of my indoctrination I once ended a long time friendship after someone refused to apologize for describing a bad movie as ‘gay’. It was a comfortable spot to be where I could hurl out accusations of micro-aggression’s and blind privilege. Any retaliation was just another example of my ‘oppression’. The whole thing was horribly Marxist. My favorite hobby was preaching to the choir on a long deleted Tumblr blog, good riddance to that tragic echo chamber. However, over many months a few new and ‘dangerous’ ideas managed to slip through the cracks. Friends of friends with rational opinions or a rogue Facebook article. In an unconscious and segmented process often referred to as Red Pilling where a pre-twitter-ban Milo Yiannapolous played no small part, I managed to shed my postmodernist shackles. This led to a major overhaul. I improved relationships with friends and family, got a job, my grades nearly doubled (perhaps the most significant change was swapping out dusty, thick-rim glasses for contacts and a stunning blonde undercut). As it happens, taking responsibility for yourself as an individual requires work and produces a few valuable rewards. I was riding high in the new and golden age of Trump and Le Pen but when it came to the lucky country I had to learn a tough lesson that Andrew Breitbart taught a long time ago…

“Politics is downstream from culture” — Andrew Breitbart

And this remains just as true today.Despite the success that newly popular right wing groups have had abroad and a conservative government in power here at home, some things still aren’t set in stone. More often than not i’m met with shock about common sense opinions and am called some kind of ‘ist’ pretty regularly. Don’t get me wrong I love to argue (like, a lot) but to think for a second that halting immigration is enough to silence a room while something as profoundly lethal as communism has evolved to become so trendy simply blows my mind. An ideology responsible for the death of millions is popular again with a group of politically active teens but the likeness of a green frog meme is listed as a hate symbol. This wouldn’t matter if I didn’t value culture as much as I do and it begins to matter more when one realizes that these kids might hold office one day. An Australian Bernie could be on the horizon.


But there’s hope (at least overseas). With some brilliant red caps, trademark nonchalance and a small army of meme manufacturers, Donald Trump waltzed his way into the most powerful office on the planet & did it against all odds.


Pictured above is the media’s response to a poor imitation of Trumps rhetoric. Turnbull’s intentions in mimicking the Donald were likely noble, why not have a crack at a method that worked so astoundingly for someone else? Unfortunately, depicting yourself as a glistening knight of populism clashes pretty hard with a reputation of being a humdrum neo-con. And in my honest opinion, civic nationalism shouldn’t be that hard to sell. it’s the worship of the individual, the celebration of values that most of us unknowingly hold anyway, The championing of a way of life that has proven itself to be the best shot we’ve got for a functioning society. Maybe i’m biased and blind to love my country and it’s values while i’m deeply embedded within them. To that i say, find me anyone critiquing capitalism and western excess from within who’d rather spend the rest of their days in Saudi Arabia or the North Korean capitol. But the question remains, how do we sell these ideas to a new generation?

Laughing all the way.

And why not? If the left can infiltrate academia and culture, framing Marxism as a trendy way to get back at your parents than why shouldn’t we? It’s time to push back with a superior and less pathological counter culture. Make individual liberty punk rock again. When we, the supposedly fascist oppressors dare show our true colors in public it’s not uncommon to be kicked off campuses and out of Bars. As Gavin McInnes put it, conservatism might be the new stonewall. So i say why not run with it?

To any young Australians who are as keen as I am on the reduction of state control, individual liberty and the importance of a traditional family unit, hear me out. It may be true that most of us can’t keep our room clean or maintain a regular sleeping pattern but we do play a role in culture, willingly or not. It makes little sense for a fresh-to-the-world kid to be preaching about the economy outside of bar top banter. Our side seems to have the logistics covered anyway. Culture is inescapable and under 25’s play a massive role in defining it. Most importantly, culture shapes the values that make us great, so it might be time to shine your shoes and speak the truth. Ridicule, charm and mischief are your tools. Start with the people you know, persuade your friends that globalism isn’t the solution to any of the worlds problems without a graph or S.M.H think piece. It’s much easier when you wrap the truth in a good joke. There’s a serious gap in the market for young, witty, subversive content creators on the right and We’ve been pushed into a position where changing the game is our only hope. So unless your looking forward to a few more decades of misogyny this, homophobic that and the suppression of free-speech on campuses, i’d say it’s time to do away with tired talking heads and give something alternative a shot. It could even start with you.