It’s all messy inside….
Calm and Chaos
An excerpt from a fictional memoir that i will never publish
When the doctor looked at the report and told “Be brave”, what would a 10 yr old kid have on his mind?
Certainly not about how those words would affect his whole life after wards. Or would he? No.
Those words didn’t mean anything then.
And now as I looked back at the moment I knew what he was saying.
Wind blew and I felt a cold chill. I got some tea and biscuit.
Why did I remember that moment?
- It just popped up outta nowhere
It’s almost sunset. The sun’s sinking in the horizon and thoughts keep bewildering my mind.
A crazy, overthinking mind, tea and sunset.
What more is needed?? An air of melancholy surrounded me.
What’s up with me??
- I am okay.
Then why the melancholy?
- I don’t know. I am just like that
I guess I am okay. I am not but I am. Because I know I will be okay.
In spite of what happened, what’s happening and what’s going to happen, I realize that I am going to be okay because nobody knows me. That’s a disappointment but I took it as an advantage. I guess if nobody knows for who I really am I can start off anywhere can’t I? Or am I being too optimistic?
Nobody knows me??
- I guess. Or maybe I don’t know.
What I am now is the tip of the iceberg and no one has dived in to the sea.
What I am now is a hurricane and everyone fell into its eye. No one goes or dares to go to the wall.
The world within me is a thief who never sleeps, stealing my real life.
- But maybe not. Or is it?
Maybe my mind is playing games with me. One moment it going right and the next thing it shooting south.
It’s like both chaos and serene intertwined, like a tornado. A crazy madman.
The sun’s nearly down.
I played a random song. And next one and next and suddenly there was one, oh boy, the sweet melody of harmonics that started flowing in the air.
The music resonated with the surrounding and suddenly the melancholy disappeared and I felt a much lighter weight in my soul.
Of all the things that gets my mind of everything, today was the turn of music. It just soothed my soul.
Felt like some things got off me.
Just a little while of chaos and tornado and suddenly it’s calm. I guess I found calm in the chaos. It’s serene.
Oh, a bird. Look at it.
- Where did a bird came from?? I don’t know.
Oh well, I am thinking too much.
Oh shit, need to go.
I have an important job to finish for a dear friend by the weekend.
Not much happens until you start doing.
Originally written in 11/21/2015. A year anniversary