10 Things I Hate About You, 2016 Election


Photo by Zac Troughton (Me)

The road ahead seems to be a grim one. And, yeah, I think it’s true, the future seems bleak and weird and kind of hopeless to a lot of people. There are many tools we have at our disposal to process and deal with the realities of the future. I’m choosing an ancient human tradition to move forward; I’m going to dwell on the past…and list 10 things I hate about this election. These are the ways in which you have negatively affected me, 2016 Election…


  1. Opinions are now as good as facts. My third cousin gets to hold his head high as he proclaims, “How can there be a moon landing, there is no moon!”
  2. False Equivalency is seen as an effective way to argue…without even understanding what a false equivalency is. Trump, as an old ass man, is caught talking about sexually assaulting women. “Bill Clinton…” Yeah, Bill Clinton sucks too, answer the question. Stay on topic. Don’t be like my third cousin.
  3. There is no originality in insults. Libtard. Ideologue. Cuck. Lunatic. Snowflake. Idiot. Even our insults are echo chambers. Pat yourselves on the back, you are the political equivalent of the Fat Jew.
  4. Identity is used as weapon and shield. Attacking someone for being a Democrat and someone else for being a Republican immediately defeats a discussion before it even starts. We the people, however, get to judge someone for what they do.
  5. The “I-don’t-want-someone-from-California-deciding-my-life” argument. Yeah, well I don’t want someone from Kansas deciding mine. Both fair and understandable sentiments. But if ten of us Coastal Elites vote for a president and 8 Salt of the Earth folks vote for a different president, who should win? We should implement this system early on in school. It would either prepare our future voters for the Electoral College, or they will be motivated to change the damn thing. Sorry little ones, it’s going to be a Triscuit and low-sugar lemonade party, the weird 2/5’s of the class have spoken. No pizza. It’s up to you to decide who is pizza and who is Triscuits.
  6. Y’all people need Statistics. I’ll never finish this masterpiece if I delve deep in this point. Everyone…stop being dumb. (I’m speaking to myself too.)
  7. Logic < Being Loudest and if anyone argues with me about whether that is greater than or less than I will shout you down! I’ve had a lot of practice this past year.
  8. You ruined Thanksgiving.
  9. You. Ruined. Christmas.
  10. You ruined the tenuous strings holding my family together. YOU RUINED MY FAMILY!

BONUS REASON

Third Party Haters, your vote is equally as important and equally as stupid…well, almost…see Electoral College.

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