Stick Your Gender Up Your Ass

And Show Me The Work

I receive a lot of rather strange e-mails, but this morning’s e-mail topped them all. Here it is if you missed it:

“hi imane

i have some questions please because i follow your posts for a few weeks now. so you are a woman but you say you listen to eminem, why? and why do you use cuss words? isnt that not feminine? you are purple buddha but you post on science? why? and you write on a blog but you have a startup too? isnt that bad for arab women as example? they will think this kind of life is possible. it is bad example. please stop.

Sanaa”

Sanaa may seem to you like a strange case, but I admire her courage to actually ask about things she does not understand, because the truth is many women, arab or not, have been brought up to fit the idiotic roles attributed to this lame gender — sorry, it has become a lame gender.

Dear Sanaa, thank you for bringing up this topic so explicitly. So many women would speak of me such things in the shadows only, so this is a start.

I felt so much pain reading your e-mail. At first it was funny, then I got angry, then I related to you and just got sad.

I remembered in the tone of your numb voice the voices of all the male figures that tried to dismiss my dreams. All of these ‘we know better’ family members that tried over and over again to crush my dreams. I do not blame you because there was a time I almost let them do it. Almost, but then I picked myself up and got back on the arena.

Dear Sanaa, I bet although you tell the world you choose your own destiny, you are only allowed to choose what they already chose for you. You are afraid of being the outcast in a society that labels free spirited educated women as the last thing you want to hear.

You are afraid to be a disgrace to your parents by following your dreams, the Arab world says parents are sacred, but how many of them are educated enough to be that sacred? and what are the limitations of sacred? why wouldn’t they think of you as scared? why wouldn’t they think of your intellectual freedom as sacred?

Labels will not stick to your skin

Dear Sanaa, I want you to know one thing, labels do not stick to the skin. First they hate you, then they fight you, then you win as Gandhi said. It is perfectly normal to feel attacked in a society of blind conformism if you dare choose a less traveled path.

The funny thing is, the outcasts in this society are secretly looked up to. You will start to have admirers, people who see in you the freedom they could not create for themselves. You will achieve more by being the outcast than by obeying the rules, so I hope you consider breaking out.

Noone knows what a woman is, relax

You may think our gender is well defined, but trust me, women are only just starting to wonder what it means to be a woman. To many, being a woman means to be less than smart, as you said, never use cuss words, never read science, read kim kardashian news and learn the holy science of make up and fake eye-lashes. The bigger the ass, the bigger the chances.

I have one thing to say to this definition of womanhood: Fuck you.

If that is the description of a woman, I am not a woman. I am something between the 2 genders but I have a vagina. That’s all. I love science, try it, science works, computers compute, airplanes fly, science WORKS.

If you outsmart a man, do not lower your intelligence for him to feel good, choose a man with hands that are big enough to carry all that you are. They exist, trust me. Ok fine they don’t exist in abundance but still.

Listening to Eminem or not is unrelated to gender. I like intensity, I took time to discover what I like and what I don’t, that is probably why you are confused, because we are told to not dig so deep and know who we are.

The Last Taboo: Knowing Who You Are

Sanaa, you will feel relieved when I tell you that Alan Watts had written a book about this, that is how deep the issue is, please read this book, it helped me a lot: The Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are (free full pdf)

It is not an Arab related issue (although it is particularity suffocating here) — it is a worldwide struggle.

Women especially are bitches to each other, are empty shells when it comes to discussions about science and entrepreneurship, not all of course, but the norm made them boring. Do not care for boring. Be your own magnificent creation, the right people will get attracted to your authentic self and you will be very glad you did so.

Stick Your Gender Up Your Ass

If someone uses gender (which will happen) to ‘put you back in your place’, tell them to stick their gender up their ass.

Do not tolerate more of this idiocy, you have this one life and if you waste it because somebody — no matter how close to you they are — thinks you are a woman who should and shouldn’t, then only you will deal with the outcome on your deathbed.

Become who you are,

it is a long journey, Sanaa, I know, but I hope this funny incident today is a start. I love you, and I wish you well, I hope you write me back with rebellious news. I will be here to support you — and many men will support you too, I promise.