You Said Nothing and I Heard It All: Decoding the Power of Body Language
When you were a child, have you ever grabbed a piece of fried chicken and by chance looked towards your mother and she was giving you a dead stare and you knew that after guest will be gone you’ll be dead? Or your friend said, “yeah…you are doing a great job”, while giving you a half smile and you know it was a sarcasm? Or your loving wife was listening to your office talks while using her hand to support her head and you know it’s the clear signal that she is getting bored?
These are some of the nonverbal signals which we give to each other without saying a word but say it all anyway.
Our brain is so connected to our body that if we don’t say anything or we say something which contradicts with our feelings, certain movements and actions are displayed through our body gestures. As Allan and Barbara Pease have mentioned in their book “the Definitive Book of Body Language” that body language is an outward reflection of a person’s emotional condition. Each gesture or movement can be valuable key to an emotion and a person may be feeling at a time. For example the person who is feeling fearful or defensive might fold their arms or cross their legs or both, but be sure of the cold weather or you will misread the gesture.
As a Psychologist I interact with a wide range of people with different background, age, gender and what I enjoy is reading signals and gestures. It helps me to understand them while gathering the information for my work which helps me in dealing with them and it makes it more true and authentic. Not just me but every other human being whether working as a teacher, doctor, engineer, banker or a homemaker comes across various signals and we all want to understand them and to be understood.
So, I thought I should share my knowledge by relating it with our culture and people. But before learning the types of body language you need to follow three basic rules to get things right: (Pease, Allan, and Pease, Barbara. (2004). The Definitive Book of Body Language. Bantam Books)
Rule 1. Read the gestures in Clusters: We can’t interpret anyone by his single gesture as it will increase the number of serious errors. It involves observing and analyzing multiple nonverbal cues together to gain more accurate understanding of a person’s thoughts, feelings, and intentions. Pay attention to a person’s facial expressions, hand gestures, posture, and other body movements simultaneously. Scratching of head can mean number of things like sweating, dandruff, lying or forgetfulness depending on the other gestures that occur simultaneously. For example the main Critical Evaluation signal is hand to face gesture with index finger pointing up the cheek while other finger covers the mouth and thumb supports the chin.
Rule 2. Look for Congruence: Check to see if the individual’s verbal and nonverbal cues are consistent. When verbal and nonverbal cues are consistent, sincerity and authenticity are conveyed and if they are inconsistent, it may be a sign of suppressed emotions or dishonesty. Sigmund Freud reported that while a patient was verbally expressing her happy marriage, she was unconsiously slipping her wedding ring on and off her finger. Later her marriage problems began to surface and he was not surprised.
Rule 3. Read Gestures in Context: Evaluate the situation and the specific context in which the body gestures occur. Different environments and cultural backgrounds can influence the meaning and interpretation of nonverbal cues. For example if you see a man with his arms and legs tightly crossed and chin down and it was a cold day than it would most likely mean that he was cold not defensive.
Keeping in mind the basic rules lets talk about the simple everyday body language.
HANDS CAN TALK:
Hands play a significant role in nonverbal communication and can convey a wide range of messages in body language because there are more connections between the brain and the hands than between any other parts of body. When people are open or honest they will often hold one or both palms out to other person and say like, “ I am telling the truth”.
You often noticed that a man whom you are talking to is standing while his both hands are in pockets. This gesture is man’s favourite ploy who don’t want to participate in a conversation. The palms are like vocal cords of body language and putting them away is like keeping one’s mouth shut.
Palm Command Gestures: There are three palm gestures.
The Palm up used as submissive, non threatning gesture. if you want someone to talk you can use this position to let them knowyou expect them to talk and you are ready to listen.
The Palm down project immediate authority. The other person will sense that you’ve given them an order to move the item and may begin to feel antagonist towards you depending on your relationship with him.
and Palm closed finger pointed position is one of the most annoying gestures anyone can use while speaking. It is mostly used to give someone order or to threaten and It creates negative feelings in most listeners and they could also recall less what the speaker had said. Try to avoid that.
Try practicing squeezing your finger against your thumb to make an OK type gesture. You’ll come across as authoritative, but not aggressive.
BASIC ATTITUDES OF HANDSHAKES:
Now, relative to the palm position you can now analyze a person’s attitude towards you even in the first meeting (and by the way its so cool) or you can analyze the handshakes of two politicians or actors shown in pictures and TV.
The Submissive Handshake: The opposite of the dominant handshake is to offer your hand with your palm facing upwards symbolically giving the other person the upper hand. This can be effective if you want someone to give the power or meaning an apology.
The Dominant Handshake: Dominance is shown by turning your hand so that your palm face down in the handshake.
Double-Handed Shake: In a double-handed shake, one hand is held while the other hand supports or covers the clasped hands. This gesture can signify warmth, sincerity, and a closer connection between individuals. It is often used in more personal or emotional situations.
Two-Handed Handshake: In a two-handed handshake, one hand holds the other person’s hand while the second hand is placed on top or around the other person’s forearm or shoulder. This type of handshake is often used to convey respect, affection, or support. It can be more common in certain cultures or specific relationships.
SOME MORE HAND GESTURES: As we know that using the hand gestures grabs the attention and increases the impact of communication and helps the person retain more of the info they are hearing. Here are the most common hand gestures you are likely to see everyday:
- Palms Rubbed: You have often seen someone talking about the planned trip and while telling about it he or she smile broadly and rub the palms together rapidly saying that it will be fun. this gestures means that the person non-verbally told that he or she expects the trip to be a big success. And if a person slowly rub the palms while talking it means he is upto something which will benefits him, not you.
2. Hands Clenched Together: This gesture can seem to signal confidence as some people use this and smile. However, research by experts Nierenberg and Calero showed that it was also a frustration gesture used during a negotiation, signalling that the person was holding back a negative or anxious attitude.
The gesture’s position really matters though. A person would be more difficult to deal with when the hands are held high as a center position than they would be in lower position.
3. The Steeple: This gesture comes in clusters and they must be interpreted in context in which you observe them. The fingers of one hand lightly press against those of other hands to form a church steeple. According to Allan Pease this gesture is frequently used by superiors when they give instructions or advice to subordinates. People who are confident use this gesture to unconsiously show their confidence and self assured attitude.
THE MAGIC OF SMILE: Smiles are a powerful nonverbal cue in body language that can convey a range of emotions, attitudes, and intentions. And every smile has a different meaning. We all know the meaning of a natural smile with bright eyes and wrinkeled eye corners and we knew that the person is reflecting the true happiness where as fake smile are the opposite, less symmetrical to face and only the mouth is conciously controlled to show false smile and fake enjoyment just to show the people. But there are other types which we see in daily routine so lets discuss that:
Tight lipped smile: A tight-lipped smile is characterized by a closed or compressed mouth with minimal or no visible teeth. It is a subtle smile where the lips are pressed together, often forming a thin line.
This gesture gives us the impression of restraint, suppressed emotions like It may be used as a way to conceal negative emotions such as anger, frustration, or disappointment. Or it can be used while person is feeling insecure, depends on the current situation.
Twisted Smile: This smile shows opposite emotions on each side of the face. A twisted smile is a facial expression where the smile appears to be uneven or distorted. It is characterized by a smile that is lopsided or asymmetrical. It has many meaning besides Sarcasm like Hidden emotions, discomfort and social awkwardness (Interpret the signal with congruence).
Jaw Dropped Smile: A jaw-dropped smile, also known as an open-mouthed smile, is a facial expression where the mouth is open wide, often revealing the teeth. It gives the information of person’s surprise, amazement, excitement, positive engagment and anticipation.
Sideways looking-up Smile: A sideways looking up smile refers to a facial expression where the person tilts their head to the side while smiling and looking upwards. The smiler looks juvenile, playful and sectretive. If this smile is used by women, it makes the men want to protect and care for females. Lady Diana’s smile had a powerful effect on both men and women and the same smile is now used by Prince William, which not only has the effect of winning people’s affection, it also reminds them of Diana.
ARM SIGNALS:
As children, we hid behind solid objects such as table, chair or pillar whenever we found ourselves in a threatening situation. As we grow, this hidden behavior become more sophisticated and we learn to fold our arms tightly across our chests whenever a threatening situation arose. Its an uncouncious attempt to block out what we percieve as a threat or undesirable circumstances.
A research conducted in the United states into the crossed-Arm gesture has shown some worrying results. When a listener folds his arms, not only does he have more negative thoughts about the speaker, but he is also paying less attention to what’s being said. Next time try to give a paper or pen to hold to that person inorder to open the arm and then try to motivate and convince them. They results would be likely to be positive.
Arm- Gripping:
It is the gesture where a person’s hands tightly gripped thier upper arms to reinforse themselves and avoid exposure of the front body. It is the person’s way of comforting himself with a form of self-hugging.
Partial Arm Cross: Women often substitute this gesture where one arm swings across the body to hold the other arm to form a barrier and it looks as if she is hugging herself. this gesture shows lack of self-confidence when used around strangers
Famous Personalitites Revealing their Insecurity: People who are continously exposed infront of media such as politicians, actors, royalty or social media stars don’t want their fans to give the message of their nervousness. They prefered to remain calm and cool but the body gestures “leak” their anxiety in disguise of arm crossing.
Famous men are often seen as adjusting their cufflinks. This gesture is the trade mark of Prince Charles when he walks across open space. While famous women use a handbag as a barrier. Others gestures which reveals insecurity is adjusting watch, checking the wallet, or looking into the cellphone.
To sum it up, learning to interpret body language helps us understand unspoken signals, connect effectively, and navigate social interactions with greater understanding and empathy. It requires practice, time, and ongoing learning. You can enhance your skills by observing body language in various contexts such as news, speeches, movies and drama serials. Take self-assessment tests to gauge your progress and see how much you have mastered. So, Practice A-LOT :)
In my next article I will be discussing The Evaluation and Deceit signals.
About the Author:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/permal-fatima-0467bb246/
About N.G.O:
Website: https://www.naizindagi.org/
References:
(Pease, Allan, and Pease, Barbara. (2004). The Definitive Book of Body Language. Bantam Books)
