Sign in

Writer — sexuality, erotica, nonmonogamy. Owner of https://www.secretslut.net. Subscribe to my newsletter https://mcfrances.substack.com

Sometimes you can tell what sort of lover a man is without even getting naked

Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash

Gino and I matched on Tinder, and though I’d been looking for a woman when I swiped on his profile, I was enchanted by the humor he used to create it. Most men slap a shirtless gym photo up with some list of inconsequential attributes and their height.

I like a profile that jumps a bit outside the box. I also won’t swipe right on anyone with a dead animal in their photos. …


When do you disclose? How do you disclose? Why are people awful?

Photo by Elevate on Unsplash

I will not claim, throughout this piece, to share the experience of someone who’s lived their entire lives as a person with a disability. I’m recently disabled thanks to myasthenia gravis, a neuromuscular condition that affects the communication between my nerves and muscles.

My disability is of the invisible variety so, I look like I always have (except when I need to wear a super cool pink satin eye patch). When someone sees me sitting at a restaurant, it would not be immediately apparent that I often have trouble walking or lifting my arms.

But, my disability absolutely impacts those…


Someday soon we’ll return to normal-ish, and dating can move offline

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

Today I needed to get out of my house. I generally stay put, not wanting to risk exposure given my suppressed immune system. However, after about a week, I start to twitch and the walls close in on me. So, after I dropped my kids off at school today I drove to my favorite coffee shop.

They’ve done a fantastic job with COVID precautions, plexiglass between every seat, extra spacing, disposable dishes, and cutlery. …


Since English doesn’t have enough words, we have to borrow some

Photo by Emmanuel Phaeton on Unsplash

I love a lot of people. Some people treat the word love like saffron — doling it out in tiny doses — taking care not to waste it. I think of love more like salt. I sprinkle it on everything liberally. It enhances the flavor of everything you add it to.

When I tell people that I love a man or woman who isn’t my spouse, I often get raised eyebrows. The problem isn’t that I love other people; the problem is that they think I’m using saffron. They worry that if I’m doling out my saffron to other people…


But now, you get to choose a life of sensual freedom

Photo by Choat on Adobe Stock

Warning: This article contains descriptions of sexual abuse that some readers may find triggering.

An unacceptable number of Americans enter adulthood, completely messed up about sex and sexuality. We hide our sexual orientation, feel shame surrounding our porn search terms, and can’t bring ourselves to tell our newest lover how we like our clit rubbed or our ball sack stroked during oral.

It’s no surprise that American adults are ashamed of their sexual selves. Sexual shame is woven so tightly into our society that an expert seamstress with a sharpened seam ripper couldn’t undo it.

We don’t understand or embrace…


Trying to bind our relationships by societally dictated ideals is unnecessary pressure

Photo by Nomad_Soul on Adobe Stock

When I was growing up, I knew I’d meet someone, date, fall in love, get married, and have children. I never questioned this narrative because it’s what all the adults around me were doing. Sure, my parents got divorced, but they both rapidly formed serious relationships with other people.

Single adults, such as my Uncle Keith, were weird or somehow broken. I heard stories about how he couldn’t keep a girlfriend or how he cheated on his wife repeatedly as if it was somehow a crime against humanity.

When my parents divorced, I heard from my mother how many times…


Relationships | Parenting

Taking relationships too seriously at a young age has consequences

Photo by Mark Decile on Unsplash

My intelligent, artistic, motivated daughter turned 18 and joined Tinder. Like any attractive young woman in the app, her inbox filled up like a damned-up river during Spring thaw.

She met one of the boys she matched with, another recent high school grad with college plans on the horizon. Then, she deleted the app and lost her mind.

She and her Boyfriend both identify as bisexual but agreed not to see other people of either gender. After two months, they were in love and planning to attend college in cities five hours apart and remain faithful and monogamous.

Two weeks…


Sexually emboldened women are either shamed or objectified

Photo by pathdoc on Adobe Stock

If you’ve followed my work for any length of time, you know that I enjoy having sex and get giddy over embracing my sensual nature. I attend sex clubs, have orgies with Hubby, scroll through Tinder on occasion, and have a habit of finding attractive men in coffee shops. I don’t know how many people I’ve slept with, mostly because counting is a tedious task.

I’m not the only woman who lives this way, but I am one of a few brave female writers who are unabashedly vocal about it.

I use the word slut to describe myself for a…


A frank discussion about butt stuff pays off

Photo by DenisProduction.Com on Adobe Stock

My phone chimed while I chopped peppers for taco night with my family. I unlocked it to find a text from Seth (a sexy friend who rocks my world) asking me to bring some of my sex toys with me the next time we got together. He remembered I mentioned an affinity for butt stuff and said he wanted to talk about that over dinner to get a clearer idea of what I was into and my boundaries.

We texted back and forth, and I explained that I wasn’t open to anal penetration (from a penis) except with Hubby, but…


If I’m not reaching out to them or responding to texts, how long until they disappear?

Photo by Motortion on Adobe Stock

I refuse to allow my phone to hold me captive. Most minutes of the day, something is going on in front of me far more interesting than the notifications on my out-of-date iPhone screen.

Sometimes it’s my kids needing my attention or an article I’m churning out before a deadline. Other times it’s Hubby’s deliciously scruffy face after a long week of working from home. …

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store