notes for sandcastle senate

where to look first? why couldn’t milk win in california? why could king get FaceTime with the whitehouse? why did occupy and hippies burn out? why do things fizzle? why are the best of them killed off? do you think occupy and the 60s and the gays and milk didn’t think of collective consciousness. somewhere it stopped working. you study only so much as you study then you go, you do. you snap the rubber band. or else you become a historian. a gamer. a community member. you glob onto a truth. a reality. but it is tiny. no matter the argument, it is smaller than a different will to power.

but the golden city. come. make peace. make love. make art. let’s get a different type of political. a

what drugs am i on, hmm, let me see… :”carrots, tomato, chocolate, alcohol, getting a drone today, getting into a fight with you, swimming, sunshine, exercise

others i’d like to see run for public office — ellen, george carlin (dammit!),

smoking weed is like catching trout. a thought bubble bursts and sprays you and you gotta clean some of it off into your rucksack before it disappears in the ocean with the other sandcastles made too close to the shore.

dorian gray meet the buddha.

reconcile.

eight days since my last shower. sitting shirtless in the park reading Lady Chatterly’s Lover. i stink. books are portals to a better world. art is a superior reality. suspended living.

there are two ways forward for me: 1. drop out of the race entirely — stay high, play records, make art. walks, books, coffee, drugs, nature.

or, 2. will to power. Big League. bring art to life. not in movies or books or song or poetry. in waking hours. in the streets. live the rhetoric. honor god’s POV. conjure the magic — live the scene. jockey the sport. manipulate, rally, compete. lead the witness. throw skin in the game. determined patriotism must die. isolation is not the way. jolt the planet clean with cosmic diversity.

it’s all been written. i don’t need to capture it. i see it. i hear and taste and feel it. i read it.

dictate the performance. or spend life as a slave to your performative nature. master, leash, dog — three. a real triumvirate.

can perception change? what is required? who wants liberation? how do we liberate ourselves?

they will kill off all individualism, all solitary acts of activism. i will be murdered if you don’t help. a single voice is always snuffed out. a single group is always silenced. black lives matter, occupy wall street, gay rights movement and harvey milk, civil rights movement and doctor king and malcolm X, honest abe. we all will die. all revolution will die. unless it is collective. unless it transcends a single cause. unless there is no one direction to point the missiles. unless the outstretched hands reach across the nation, the planet, the universe — we will die. they will kill us off. this is not histrionics. this is not drama. this is waking life. only millions are choosing to stay woefully silent, fast asleep for fear the monster will come for them too. but if we become the monster, if we aggregate our light, we take over. money and power cannot trump collective conscious. it is the one tool we still have to wield.

because there is no inherent meaning in life. to life. we supply that. so the sickness of man has decided snuffing life is meaning. man wants war. but he wants valiant opposition. so man supplies his foe with guns and armor. with money. so man feels he has a worthy opponent. we do not need to be in the middle east. we do not need to shoot drones. we do not need to overextend. we do not need to spread poison and call it democracy. america can be safe by doing far, far less ego work. annihilation begets annihilation. happy souls need to be in office. ones who don’t believe war is inevitable. we are being lied to. by people who are not human. who have lost touch with reality. who will shoot to kill. every time. who will kill me for these very words. it must be about more than me. about more than any one person or group. it must be a collective rise up. it must be backed with a plan. options. alternative routes.

willful, blank dreariness. collectively slunked shoulders. we are confused, we are vulnerable, ew are mad and sad and do not understand what is going on. we have no idea what is reality. no way of deciding what is true and what is propaganda and shock doctrine to scare us into submission. we are repurposed embarrassment and confusion parading as faux patriotism and proud perspective. but it is a lie. a sham. we are scared and we are small. we do not rise. we fight from the comfort of our loveseats. we are afraid of each other. our fellow man. our politicians. we do not know if our doctor is out to get us. what kind of world is this to live in? we might live next to a neighbor for a decade and never find out their name or dreams for life.

it’s time to open. it’s time to bud. spring is here. life can be sunshine. news is crooked. it is a shame and a sham. chicken or egg — who knows which corrupted which, but politics, greed, money, power, elitism has certainly empired media. we must stop going to mainstream sources. we must take alternative media, vigilante journalism seriously. we must look to books and philosophers and movies for example. we must rise. no. seriously. we can rise.

we are rubbed raw right now. this can be a black swan. a pinprick moment. we can explode the cosmos. stop the judgment. let go of the fear for a moment. close your eyes and imagine a world where

merely imagining something means it is possible. but it is hard. especially when the labor and effort and fearless bravery required falls on the few. the few get corrupted. and angry. and bitter. they become disillusioned by the masses who just sit there and take it. take whatever is given them. and smile dumbly, numbly for it. so absolute power corrupts absolutely. so we spread the power. we all are the power. we don’t give it away. we create measures to make it easy to get involved, to do good work. to spread the magic. to live the paradigm of our dreams — the world the books and art and movies talk about. the world of our dreams can be our waking hour.

experts say the world is better than it has ever been. that we have made progress. this may be true. we live longer, our killing is more politically correct, we have fancier stuff. but what of that? what of the soul? the heart? is that world better off than ever? and we aren’t in competition with history. we are in a dance with it. we are to learn from it. only we do not. life isn’t to one-up history. life isn’t to keep up with the joneses. what if we move beyond such basic asinine conversations? what if we get past dumb dogma. what if we treat each other with the equality our founding fathers were on about? equal pay. equal rights. for everyone. all men are created equal. black, white, gay, muslim, female, male, rich, poor, immigrant. we are all equal. if we came from that place — if we started dialogue from a place of connection over division — we could really get somewhere.

but here we sit. still arguing over truly idiotic ideas — should gays be allowed to marry? should women have rights over their bodies? should we build walls? should muslims be banned?

it’s a sickness. it is because men who have risen to power are incredibly afraid and small. they feel insecure and are controlled by an ego that says it’s never enough. that they will never be enough. they feel they can only be men if they hold dominion over their fellow man. they are only worthy and valid if they can see their results splattered on the pavement. so we must make the trumps of the world feel safe. we must show ISIS with our actions that we are a collectively inclined planet. we face the very real threat of extinction — whether by world war, nuclear fallout, global warming, or a meteor whacking our planet. this is beyond existential crises. this is the reality we live in. only perception shields us. if we stay willfully ignorant to reality — then our perception will match our fears. we will self-prophesize all that we spend time and energy on.

so i’m spending time and energy on light. on cosmic diversity. on getting yoga and healthy food into schools. on deconstructing the walls. on building bridges. on opening portals for dialogue. on making space for art. for the heart and soul to speak. on creating jobs and opportunities we want to have. on pushing peace as a legitimate alternative for the war we feel in our hearts. we are all bound and wound up. we can’t express ourselves. we feel our voices don’t matter and it makes us hateful. and insane. it makes us do dumb things inspired by the heat of the moment. we are a better country than Donald Trump. we just forgot it. we have forgotten the glory of existence. the power of being alive. the use in keeping each other alive. afloat. we don’t have to take pills to keep us quiet and happy. we can be the drug. i’m spending time breaking monopolies. bringing wall street to its senses. showing the uber rich 1% why it’s righteous to pay their fair share. why it’s a cool thing to keep people housed and fed and dreaming. how carving space for people to explore and honor their nature is good for all of us. i’m spending my time showing teenagers their entire lives don’t have to revolve around popularity contest, bullying, fitting in, and the latest expensive gadgets they feel they need to have to be at the top of the food chain. we are all valid. we are all wanted by nature. our mere presence is proof of that. no one forgotten. no one left behind. i’m spending my time making healthcare universal. making education a god-given right, not a privilege if you are rich or smart or connected enough. i’m spending my time on renegotationg what socialism means. what welfare means. we’ve created such nasty vitriol around doing and being good people. we can’t hand out billions of dollars randomly as blood money to keep people quiet. foodstamps, healtchare, unemployment, disability benefits must be attached to reality. if a boy comes to a tree once a week because he knows the tree will freely bare fruit — he will lose all motivation to express and explore and honor himself. if you get foodstamps you must make art that can be sold. you must go to your local school and tutor. you must host a dinner party for your neighborhood. you must plant community gardens. you must clean up the streets.

there are legitimate, bright, collectively conscious ideas and “solutions” to everything. we just need to slow down. create space. turn on our imaginations and dream. we spend life telling kids to dream and aim for the stars and then spend the rest of life shitting on their face. at what age do we stop believing and start living the crud of adulting? we can be more.

we do a lot right. we can celebrate where we’ve come and what we are while acnowledging where we’d like to go. as a human race. one human race.

universities must cease the pre-made scripture — tested in multiple choice and blue book. we must end the ready-made, one-size-fits-all programming. just because we call it higher education doesn’t mean it’s not mere lipstick on the pig of dogmatic programming. ritualistic hazing. setting folks up to feed into the system, grow into your chain — don’t be a chink.

i’m giving you the chance.

don’t ket them lie to you, who says they hold the truth?

don’t let them speak for you.

loud isn’t right.

loud is loud.

is thunder correct? no, it’s loud. and it’s destrucrtive.

The

man does not like to be wrong. pride kills. and it kills millions. it’s hard to just provide safe space. to play and explore. to give suggestions, but not teach. samer can’t even tolerate being told how to tie the aerial right. “I know how to do it.” only he’s doing it wrong. and my life will be at risk. so i must stand up to his ego. it’s easy to mimic. it’s easy to build habits when no one is telling you to. when you are free to explore and mimic and try things on. when you feel like no one is watching, judging, critiqueing, leading, telling.it drives me truly insane. the more composed and small and packaged and focused to detail while being totally natural and chill and with the vibration of the room — the closer you are to a collectively conscious god. i get excited in the vortex of a group of hipsters — my energy starts cycling mad. i am enamored. they are cool. they are identity. electric personality. and then i keep staring at it and i see through things. and i get disillusioned. like samer is doing with me. and i become aware of it. of them. of me. of me judging them. of them being judged. my crush continues. i just want to feel chill and. normal and a part of their alternative culture. know just what top and bottom to put together to be edgy enough, relaxed enough, cool enough, quick enough, cosmic enough to understand which bike to buy and which streets to take home to maximize the right type of exposure. which picnic table to sit at out at the so fucking cool cafe — which barista to get in good with, which dick to suck — where the most natural sunlight hits the secret patio on the second floor, cuz i get cold. we navigate. we explore. we try. we try things on. we keep doing that.

the golden city. come. make peace. make love. make art. let’s get a different type of political. a

what drugs am i on, hmm, let me see… :”carrots, tomato, chocolate, alcohol, getting a drone today, getting into a fight with you, swimming, sunshine, exercise

others i’d like to see run for public office — ellen, george carlin (dammit!),

smoking weed is like catching trout. a thought bubble bursts and sprays you and you gotta clean some of it off into your rucksack before it disappears in the ocean with the other sandcastles made too close to the shore.

dorian gray meet the buddha.

reconcile.

eight days since my last shower. sitting shirtless in the park reading Lady Chatterly’s Lover. i stink. books are portals to a better world. art is a superior reality. suspended living.

there are two ways forward for me: 1. drop out of the race entirely — stay high, play records, make art. walks, books, coffee, drugs, nature.

or, 2. will to power. Big League. bring art to life. not in movies or books or song or poetry. in waking hours. in the streets. live the rhetoric. honor god’s POV. conjure the magic — live the scene. jockey the sport. manipulate, rally, compete. lead the witness. throw skin in the game. determined patriotism must die. isolation is not the way. jolt the planet clean with cosmic diversity.

it’s all been written. i don’t need to capture it. i see it. i hear and taste and feel it. i read it.

dictate the performance. or spend life as a slave to your performative nature. master, leash, dog — three. a real triumvirate.

can perception change? what is required? who wants liberation? how do we liberate ourselves?

they will kill off all individualism, all solitary acts of activism. i will be murdered if you don’t help. a single voice is always snuffed out. a single group is always silenced. black lives matter, occupy wall street, gay rights movement and harvey milk, civil rights movement and doctor king and malcolm X, honest abe. we all will die. all revolution will die. unless it is collective. unless it transcends a single cause. unless there is no one direction to point the missiles. unless the outstretched hands reach across the nation, the planet, the universe — we will die. they will kill us off. this is not histrionics. this is not drama. this is waking life. only millions are choosing to stay woefully silent, fast asleep for fear the monster will come for them too. but if we become the monster, if we aggregate our light, we take over. money and power cannot trump collective conscious. it is the one tool we still have to wield.

because there is no inherent meaning in life. to life. we supply that. so the sickness of man has decided snuffing life is meaning. man wants war. but he wants valiant opposition. so man supplies his foe with guns and armor. with money. so man feels he has a worthy opponent. we do not need to be in the middle east. we do not need to shoot drones. we do not need to overextend. we do not need to spread poison and call it democracy. america can be safe by doing far, far less ego work. annihilation begets annihilation. happy souls need to be in office. ones who don’t believe war is inevitable. we are being lied to. by people who are not human. who have lost touch with reality. who will shoot to kill. every time. who will kill me for these very words. it must be about more than me. about more than any one person or group. it must be a collective rise up. it must be backed with a plan. options. alternative routes.

willful, blank dreariness. collectively slunked shoulders. we are confused, we are vulnerable, ew are mad and sad and do not understand what is going on. we have no idea what is reality. no way of deciding what is true and what is propaganda and shock doctrine to scare us into submission. we are repurposed embarrassment and confusion parading as faux patriotism and proud perspective. but it is a lie. a sham. we are scared and we are small. we do not rise. we fight from the comfort of our loveseats. we are afraid of each other. our fellow man. our politicians. we do not know if our doctor is out to get us. what kind of world is this to live in? we might live next to a neighbor for a decade and never find out their name or dreams for life.

it’s time to open. it’s time to bud. spring is here. life can be sunshine. news is crooked. it is a shame and a sham. chicken or egg — who knows which corrupted which, but politics, greed, money, power, elitism has certainly empired media. we must stop going to mainstream sources. we must take alternative media, vigilante journalism seriously. we must look to books and philosophers and movies for example. we must rise. no. seriously. we can rise.

we are rubbed raw right now. this can be a black swan. a pinprick moment. we can explode the cosmos. stop the judgment. let go of the fear for a moment. close your eyes and imagine a world where

merely imagining something means it is possible. but it is hard. especially when the labor and effort and fearless bravery required falls on the few. the few get corrupted. and angry. and bitter. they become disillusioned by the masses who just sit there and take it. take whatever is given them. and smile dumbly, numbly for it. so absolute power corrupts absolutely. so we spread the power. we all are the power. we don’t give it away. we create measures to make it easy to get involved, to do good work. to spread the magic. to live the paradigm of our dreams — the world the books and art and movies talk about. the world of our dreams can be our waking hour.

experts say the world is better than it has ever been. that we have made progress. this may be true. we live longer, our killing is more politically correct, we have fancier stuff. but what of that? what of the soul? the heart? is that world better off than ever? and we aren’t in competition with history. we are in a dance with it. we are to learn from it. only we do not. life isn’t to one-up history. life isn’t to keep up with the joneses. what if we move beyond such basic asinine conversations? what if we get past dumb dogma. what if we treat each other with the equality our founding fathers were on about? equal pay. equal rights. for everyone. all men are created equal. black, white, gay, muslim, female, male, rich, poor, immigrant. we are all equal. if we came from that place — if we started dialogue from a place of connection over division — we could really get somewhere.

but here we sit. still arguing over truly idiotic ideas — should gays be allowed to marry? should women have rights over their bodies? should we build walls? should muslims be banned?

it’s a sickness. it is because men who have risen to power are incredibly afraid and small. they feel insecure and are controlled by an ego that says it’s never enough. that they will never be enough. they feel they can only be men if they hold dominion over their fellow man. they are only worthy and valid if they can see their results splattered on the pavement. so we must make the trumps of the world feel safe. we must show ISIS with our actions that we are a collectively inclined planet. we face the very real threat of extinction — whether by world war, nuclear fallout, global warming, or a meteor whacking our planet. this is beyond existential crises. this is the reality we live in. only perception shields us. if we stay willfully ignorant to reality — then our perception will match our fears. we will self-prophesize all that we spend time and energy on.

so i’m spending time and energy on light. on cosmic diversity. on getting yoga and healthy food into schools. on deconstructing the walls. on building bridges. on opening portals for dialogue. on making space for art. for the heart and soul to speak. on creating jobs and opportunities we want to have. on pushing peace as a legitimate alternative for the war we feel in our hearts. we are all bound and wound up. we can’t express ourselves. we feel our voices don’t matter and it makes us hateful. and insane. it makes us do dumb things inspired by the heat of the moment. we are a better country than Donald Trump. we just forgot it. we have forgotten the glory of existence. the power of being alive. the use in keeping each other alive. afloat. we don’t have to take pills to keep us quiet and happy. we can be the drug. i’m spending time breaking monopolies. bringing wall street to its senses. showing the uber rich 1% why it’s righteous to pay their fair share. why it’s a cool thing to keep people housed and fed and dreaming. how carving space for people to explore and honor their nature is good for all of us. i’m spending my time showing teenagers their entire lives don’t have to revolve around popularity contest, bullying, fitting in, and the latest expensive gadgets they feel they need to have to be at the top of the food chain. we are all valid. we are all wanted by nature. our mere presence is proof of that. no one forgotten. no one left behind. i’m spending my time making healthcare universal. making education a god-given right, not a privilege if you are rich or smart or connected enough. i’m spending my time on renegotationg what socialism means. what welfare means. we’ve created such nasty vitriol around doing and being good people. we can’t hand out billions of dollars randomly as blood money to keep people quiet. foodstamps, healtchare, unemployment, disability benefits must be attached to reality. if a boy comes to a tree once a week because he knows the tree will freely bare fruit — he will lose all motivation to express and explore and honor himself. if you get foodstamps you must make art that can be sold. you must go to your local school and tutor. you must host a dinner party for your neighborhood. you must plant community gardens. you must clean up the streets.

there are legitimate, bright, collectively conscious ideas and “solutions” to everything. we just need to slow down. create space. turn on our imaginations and dream. we spend life telling kids to dream and aim for the stars and then spend the rest of life shitting on their face. at what age do we stop believing and start living the crud of adulting? we can be more.

we do a lot right. we can celebrate where we’ve come and what we are while acnowledging where we’d like to go. as a human race. one human race.

universities must cease the pre-made scripture — tested in multiple choice and blue book. we must end the ready-made, one-size-fits-all programming. just because we call it higher education doesn’t mean it’s not mere lipstick on the pig of dogmatic programming. ritualistic hazing. setting folks up to feed into the system, grow into your chain — don’t be a chink.

i’m giving you the chance.

don’t ket them lie to you, who says they hold the truth?

don’t let them speak for you.

loud isn’t right.

loud is loud.

is thunder correct? no, it’s loud. and it’s destrucrtive.

The

man does not like to be wrong. pride kills. and it kills millions. it’s hard to just provide safe space. to play and explore. to give suggestions, but not teach. samer can’t even tolerate being told how to tie the aerial right. “I know how to do it.” only he’s doing it wrong. and my life will be at risk. so i must stand up to his ego. it’s easy to mimic. it’s easy to build habits when no one is telling you to. when you are free to explore and mimic and try things on. when you feel like no one is watching, judging, critiqueing, leading, telling.

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