Is Being a Single Mom by Choice Selfish?

Being a Single Mom by Choice (SMBC) should be illegal,” they say. “SMBCs are not emotionally or financially stable enough,” they claim. We live in a world where misconceptions and stereotypes paint a distorted picture. But I’m on a mission to prove these statements wrong and reveal the reality beyond the judgments.

I’m shedding light on the selflessness within our community of SMBCs. We create homes filled with love, stability, and nurturing environments for our children.

In 2019, I made a conscious choice — freezing my eggs. Then I moved to Barbados — where my fertility clinic is — and in 2023, Laydi, my beautiful daughter, was born. It was an empowering decision, challenging societal norms.

In a society that tends to push women into traditional family structures, I celebrate the courage it takes to navigate single motherhood by choice. I’m proof that happiness and fulfillment can be found outside conventional norms. I would go as far as to say happiness tends to be outside the norms.

Deciding to Become a Single Mom by Choice

I didn’t wake up one day and decide to become a Single Mom by Choice. I explored the world of dating, but most men came with their share of red flags, and I decided not to settle. I want to be clear — I’m not against dating or men. In fact, I initially decided to freeze my eggs, gifting myself time to potentially meet Mr. Right.

However, life had other plans. The pandemic hit, and it shifted the dynamics of dating. This unplanned pause became an opportunity for introspective work — which made me realize I was more determined to be a mom than a wife.

The decision to become an SMBC was not impulsive; it developed from my commitment to creating the family I envisioned, even if it meant going on this journey independently. My dream was powerful enough to help me overcome societal norms, stigma, and judgment — and boy there is no shortage of critics.

Breaking Stereotypes

There’s a bunch of stereotypes floating around about being an SMBC, and honestly, it just fuels my determination to spark more conversations. The more people know about the real SMBC experience, the better. So, let’s tackle a couple of these myths head-on.

You might have heard that being a Single Mom by Choice is selfish. But seriously, how could willingly dedicating your life to your little one be anything but selfless? We’re on this journey with hearts full of love and creating happy homes. We would do ANYTHING for our babies. How could that be selfish at all?

There’s also this misconception that being an SMBC means sacrificing career goals or that we might not do as well professionally. But I’m rocking both worlds. I’ve been an entrepreneur since 2010, and let me tell you, women have this incredible way of figuring things out. I even restructured my business to align with my new lifestyle — it’s a process, but it’s completely doable.

And let’s talk money. I’ve heard the whispers — “How can they afford it on a single income?” Well, like with all major life decisions, with proper financial planning (and with me being a CPA, I understand the importance of it), it’s possible. Most SMBCs out there meticulously plan — that includes the nitty-gritty of assisted reproductive procedures like IUI and IVF if that’s the path they choose. I even strategically moved to Barbados, making sure I could afford the dream lifestyle I envisioned.

People might also wonder about the impact on the children in single-mother-by-choice families. I did the research — studies show that the single most common factor for children who develop resilience is at least one stable and committed relationship with a supportive parent, caregiver, or other adult. Additionally, research from the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology in 2017 found that children in single-mother-by-choice families do just as well as those in two-parent families.

So, not only are we challenging stereotypes, but we are also nurturing supportive environments for our children, contributing to their well-being and resilience. Selfish, unsuccessful, unprepared, or financially unstable women? Not a chance. And if someone brings up our emotional intelligence, let them know it takes a lot of courage and resilience to embark on this solo journey.

Shaping a More Inclusive View of Motherhood

There’s a whole spectrum of family structures out there, and it’s interesting how society tends to be more accepting of certain paths over others. When it comes to single mothers, the judgment can be intense, especially for those of us who consciously chose this journey. It’s like there’s an unspoken rule that becoming a mom on our terms is somehow more controversial.

But you know what? It’s time to shake off that judgment. Every family is unique, and there’s beauty in that diversity. Envision a world where all family structures are celebrated and conversations about motherhood choices are met with understanding and support. For that to happen, we need to foster a culture of inclusivity and acceptance. The next step is clear — educating society. This is the key to paving the way for a more open-minded and accepting world.

We need to encourage open conversations about motherhood choices. Ideally, dialogues about the different paths to motherhood would be met with curiosity rather than judgment. To get there, we must be advocates for change, sharing our stories. That’s precisely what I’m trying to do.

Celebrating the Strength of SMBCs

My experience has shown me the transformative power of going for what you want, even when society might challenge your choices. Through sharing my story online, I’m on a mission to spark a movement, encouraging women to step into their power and redefine societal expectations.

Becoming an SMBC is a deeply personal and emotional journey, marked by careful consideration, self-reflection, and the courage to face societal judgment. This path requires strength beyond measure, and every SMBC embodies that strength in a unique way.

Being an SMBC doesn’t mean that you must be alone or lonely. I’ve found that motherhood is easier when you have support. Seeking assistance when needed is a sign of wisdom, not selfishness.

Let’s promote empathy and respect for every individual’s motherhood journey. Each story is unique, and every choice is valid. I invite you to reach out to me, follow me on social media, share your experiences, and show understanding and support.

By having these open conversations, I hope there is more information and no more stereotypical comments such as “Being a single mom by choice is selfish.”