The Warmest Snow

How do you feel when you have tons of problems and you don’t know how to solve them all? Every person in their right minds will take a positive response from those problems, either they’re praying, hanging out with friends, sharing their problems with family, etc. Sadly, I’m not that kind of person, at least not yet.. The thing is, I have read an article that said that positivity is a worst response to a problem. In a law of mathematics, if you multiply negativity with positivity you’ll have a negative result. So I wonder if I take a negative response to my problems, how would it be? A positive result, or a waaay more negative result? And I’m pretty sure you already know the answer, it’s definitely a bad decisions..until I met her.

As a human being we’re all flawed, we all make a mistakes, I made a mistakes, and maybe she also made her mistakes too. But who knew that those mistakes would lead me to her. I met her on a random online dating apps, I still remember the first time I saw her profile on my ‘visitor' list, so I decided to visit her back and gave a ‘like' to her profile, and then we started chatting. My first impression of her was that she was very beautiful in her photo, a pretty face with a short hair and snow-like skin, made me think that she was just too good to be in such a random dating apps.

I asked her so many question to know her better, from where does she live, where was she born, and if she had a boyfriend or not. We talked about many things, and after we talked for a while I could see that she’s more than just a beauty, but smart as well. And I just knew that she was already finished her undergraduate thesis in one of the most favorite university in Central Java. But at that time she was still busy revise her thesis. Soon after I think that we’re already close enough, I tried to ask for her pin number so we could continue our chit chat on bbm.

Ever since I got her pin and befriend with her on bbm, our conversation was getting more intense. I even called her with pet names like honey or any other sweet names, she didn’t banned me from using those names, instead she just warned me ‘don’t take it to your heart’ which in Indonesian we know it as ‘baper’.

People said that cyberspace i.e. online dating apps is full of lies, where as the majority of people who using that apps just want to seek some fun, including me. After many hours and days I spent with her, talking with her on phone until past midnight everyday, I finally realized that I couldn’t keep this lies, I realized that she’s worth a lot more than just a girl to have some fun with, I realized that I love her.. I love her face, I love her voice, her laugh, I love her intelligence, I love her warmhearted kindness.. And one day, I have the courage to tell her the truth, even if I might lose her. On that night, she cried to me. That was the first time I heard she cried, the first time I hurt her feelings, it was so painful to hear she cried, and from that moment I decided to be a better man and repent for what I’ve done to her.