Straitjacket

Sometimes I feel like they don’t understand me, you know? They just don’t get it. People out here always look one way and refuse to look elsewhere, as if they’d be turned to stone for doing so, and frankly I find that to be quite cynical. Unfortunately this is what things have come to be in this world, and it’s not going anywhere fast. I just wish there was some way to get through to these people, some way to reach that broader audience. The issue builds itself up with every instance of denial that I receive from others, every time someone rejects my idea, or refuses to allow me to move forward. However with all that has occured, I still do my best to move forward, even with the current situation, I have new ideas and I draw up new plans for the pursuit of a new endeavor, more ambitious than the last. I rethink, revise, and totally reinvent my plans down to the core ideologies that they stem from, and I even make changes when I know that the world may not be able to keep up with them.

The thing is, even with all the planning and revision, there is one thing I’m still unsure of, and it’s how well it’ll all work out in the end. But at the same time, I realize that no one is ever truly ready to face the cold, only ready enough. You do all of this work, but you know that you may never attain the results you desire, or if you’ll even make any progress toward those results in the first place. I cannot seem to accept that, and although I know it is out of my control, I continue to struggle with it.

While I’m sure that these struggles do not only pertain to me, I sometimes feel a sense of individuality when I encounter them. For some reason or another, I don’t often allow myself to open up to others regarding these matters because I don’t feel as if they can relate, therefore my explanation of the situation does not present them with any opportunity to advise me on how to go about overcoming these struggles, and relieving myself of any burden of suffering that I may have brought upon myself in the midst of my attempt to move forward regardless. Admittedly I will say that it is difficult to strike a balance between withholding this information, and keeping it bottled up for too long.

Progress is something that I find necessary in every area of impact in my life. I feel that a lack of progress will most certainly stun the growth of not only one’s mental state but also their physical, and spiritual state, therefore I find progress in learning and understanding to be vital for those who are pursuing any creative endeavor. More simply, people must be informed of the variables that surround them, if they are to entertain the idea of moving forward with their lives, their ideas, and perhaps even their relationships with others.

There have been times in my life where I have certainly felt as if things were moving too slowly. My father used to say “You have to learn to walk, before you can learn to run”, and while I do believe this is true, I also like to take large paces. I have never found it easy to be patient with things, even when I know that their progress relies strictly on time, and that frustration has always been the source of my restraint. It has caused me to feel that I am being held back from achieving the results I desire. In that way, time is my straitjacket, even knowing how precious it truly is, and how little of it we actually have in this world. I can’t seem to find myself doing what others have done in this interim, as they have tried to develop an appreciation for the journey, a place where they enjoy even the smallest moments, instances of brilliance. One might say that the state of living, in and of itself is brilliant, and the ability to not only touch a surface, but to feel its depth, is truly remarkable.