Can You Eliminate Expectations From Life??
We all have heard that expectations always hurt, agreed. But aren’t expectations part and parcel of each and every relationship?
Remember that particular episode of “Friends” where Chandler said to Phoebe that behind every good deed, there is a selfish motive?? We all do good deeds for our own happiness and to feel better about ourselves………. I agree with him.
There is an organization in Pakistan with the name The Citizen Foundation (TCF). The purpose of this organization is to provide best education facilities to the kids of underprivileged families throughout Pakistan. Here is the link, if you want to donate for this noble cause.
I joined their Rahbar Program in the month of April, 2022. In this program, volunteers from different walks of life come together to share their stories with students of eighth grade, as their mentors. The main objective of this program is character building of the students and it is an attempt to cultivate this idea in young minds that they are capable of achieving bigger things despite having minimum resources.
On the first day of program, the coordinators asked all the mentors about their reason to join that program. Everyone was there with good intentions and a willingness to contribute towards betterment of society. However, the only reply I could come up with was:-
“I am here to find myself. Over the period of time, I have lost that urge to live. I am just a robot doing daily chores without even realizing what I am doing. I am here to find that purpose in life, I am here to feel good about myself again. I don’t know if I would be of any help for the kids, rather I am here because I need help.”
The purpose of sharing this conversation is to let you know that we humans are leading our lives driven by our own motives. Expectation is the fuel of our vehicle. We cannot even function without having expectations, not even those who think of themselves as the most selfless persons on earth. Deep down, we all have certain expectations from others.
The way I think of it, our day starts with expectations and it ends with expectations as well. Let me list down few of the expectations a regular person has, in different situations:-
1. We wake up expecting a safe and sound environment.
2. We hope that our utility connections are working properly because we have paid the bills. Obviously… duh….
3. People living with their partner’s expect them to remember their preferences in general, be it their favorite food, their morning routine, the side of the bed they prefer etc..
4. Parents expect their kids to behave in an orderly manner while kids expect that parents understand their needs.
5. Bosses expect their workers to take work seriously and meet the deadlines while workers expect to be treated respectfully and to get paid in a timely manner.
7. While on the road, we all expect the other travelers to keep the traffic hassle free.
8. In the times of need, we expect support from family and friends.
9. Even the pet owners expect their pets to greet them with love and to follow their instructions.
10. Plant owners expect the plant to grow beautifully because they are doing everything in their control.
You see, is there any relationship which can function without expectations? I tried hard but couldn’t think of even one. The world is running on expectations, both at individual as well as on a collective level. If you cannot continue a professional relationship where your expectations are not met, how can you continue a personal relationship without having any expectations? Can you?
In my opinion, expectations are the basic pillars of each and every relationship. You cannot avoid them completely. However, the most you can do is to keep things realistic. Do not go overboard with your expectations. Do not overburden your partners, friends or colleagues with undue demands.
- Your boss cannot allow your leave every time. He/She cannot cover your mistakes if you keep repeating them without making any effort to improve your work.
- Your friends cannot be there for yourself every time if you keep putting your-self in difficult situations despite proper guidance and prior experience.
- Your family cannot rescue you from financial disasters if you are not even trying to earn for your-self.
- You cannot go rampant with demands from your partner because they are humans as well. Their needs should also be taken care of. It should be a two way relationship.
- You cannot force your pet to love you if you are not even treating them right. Even if you are giving them proper care, the pets also have their preferences, they are living beings.
- Last but not least, some plants are not meant to survive however hard you try to make them grow. You should know when to give up and it doesn’t only apply to plants……..
Next time time when someone shares his/her grievance or disappointment with any relationship, don’t just repeat this standard response i.e. “Expectations always hurt. Do not expect anything from anyone these days.” Because this is not how it works.
Understand their concerns, take time, show some empathy and even if you do not know how to respond, just be there for them. Be a good listener. Because this is all what people need sometimes.
Happy reading and writing and don’t forget to share your feedback. :)
