One of the most common strategies I see for improving your life or your outlook on life is incorporating gratitude into it. Reciting gratitudes in the morning or evening (or both). Creating a gratitude jar or board. Sharing this process with your partner or spouse. When bad things happen, or when you just feel bad, the suggestion is to focus on things you’re grateful for instead of ruminating on the depressing or enraging. While I agree that it’s important to recognize the good in one’s life and to practice demonstrating that recognition, I believe that focusing exclusively on the good is just as harmful as ignoring it.
As a disabled person with chronic pain, I often find myself sad, fearful or angry about my situation. It’s scary and depressing to lose my independence or to worry that my condition is worsening. I get frustrated and ragey when I can’t do things I used to do, or even when I see other people my age going about their lives as if nothing is wrong, because nothing is wrong for them. Jealousy creeps in. Gratitude, however, is not a viable solution for these feelings.
The intense focus on gratitude that many self-help and self-care resources promote involves denying the reality of the situation. Rather than voice the hurt, you’re expected to push it back behind all the things you’re happy about. You find yourself in an “At least I’m ____” situation. My back is spasming and I’m in…
