I love you. I love you so goddamn much, with every piece of my heart. We spent 3 and a half hours together today, just one on one, you and I. That’s intense. And I want more. That time slipped away, like sand falling through fingers. I wish that I was still there, so close to you. I wish I still had the sweet scent of your hair, lingering on my nose. You’re so shy, and I love that about you. I love watching you open yourself up to me, letting yourself smile and move and dance and sing. I love watching you be happy. There’s so much to love about you, and you seem to just not quite know it. You are beautiful in all senses of the word. you have colorful, smiling eyes. The curls of your hair — god, they drive me wild. They make you look raw, real, like the person you are. They match your face so perfectly. But it’s the softness of you, the softness in you that really gets me. it’s everywhere. the smoothness of your skin, in that cute laugh of yours that smile. I can feel it all around you in those quietest of moments, those intimate times where there is nothing but you and I and the music in the background. It is then that I can hear it in your breath, whether it is shallow and short, or a long, slow, deep breath. It’s all over your words, and it is amazing. I could feel the love, and so could you.
I meant it when I said that there was no other moment like that one. Because it’s true. Every single experience is different. They might be very similar, but they will never be the same. Not worse, mind you, but different. Because of that, I want to cherish every moment. It’s like a bank of memories, each offering something different. I’ve been thinking a lot recently, and that idea has stuck with me. Something tells me that these memories are profound, that they hold incredible importance. I’ve been thinking a lot. And it’s very true. I can remember the memories with you as clear as if they were happening right now. I can remember crawling out of my cot, so far back that I can’t recall how old I was. I remember it because it was an important moment for me. I can also remember sitting in a bucket of hot water when I was something around 6, because that was my favorite thing to do. I remember these things, I hold on to those memories because I enjoy them, and because they mean something to me. And as I’ve been thinking, I came across the idea that I should be making more memories to keep in my bank, memories that I can think back to and enjoy. As much as I want to be rich, and famous and have good grades and get everything right, I know that I don’t need to do that. What matters is that I am happy, and that I make others happy. I want to do what I love, and I’m going to do that whether or not I’m successful at it. And I love you. I want to make you happy, and I want to hold our memories together close. I want to enjoy the now, to feel the happiness in every moment, to never stop living the best life I can, and the best life you can. I think that the idea that we should live our lives working up to a goal is fatally flawed. The idea that one day, we will make it. that one day, one day one day. That the good times are somewhere in the vague future. But the future will never be today. And that’s why I hold every moment with you so dear. because no memory of ours should be forgotten, and no memory of ours will ever be quite the same. To be quite honest, i’m excited. There’s a huge, huge world out there waiting for us, millions of times and places and feelings, millions of things left to do, millions of intimate moments to be shared and jokes to be laughed at. I want that one day to be every day. I want to feel lightheaded, that love’s high, to feel you and your warmth and to share a love to remember. I want you.
Much, Much love,
Side note: I nearly cried writing this :)