Q Khan
Q Khan
Jul 20, 2017 · 5 min read

I love sports but largely not for the sport itself; it appears to be one of the freest forms of self-expression I know. It is clear from the supporters of a football team whether their team is to be relegated or promoted next season: no stiff upper lip here.

It is focussed, your path is clear and obvious when you are not succeeding. I have been watching a lot of Wimbledon and the Tour de France recently and marvelled at the resilience and faith of some teams and individuals who come back when things looked impossible.

Roger Federer, for instance, won two grand slams this year after having lost his Wimbledon crown some years ago and people saying that he would retire: he won this year without losing a set. Chris Frome had issues on one of the stages of the tour — mechanical failure — from which the commentators thought he would not comeback, but the team ensured he kept his yellow jersey.

It must take some kind of special strength and commitment for a team to continue when it is obvious they are losing. Scotland must have known, for instance that they would not be able to match England last night but still continued playing (Women’s European Championship 2017). Cilic against Federer in the Wimbledon final 2017 when he had an injury and Federer had not lost a single set throughout the tournament.

I salute them all and sometimes wish life was as simple. Once during a world cup when the US was playing Iran, I wondered if countries could resolve their differences with a football match! Life is, however, very different and perhaps richer for it, but wouldn’t it be nice if at least sometimes the right path was clearly labelled?

In worldly terms Trump seems like a success: money, children and power, yet his wish to ban Muslims and then visit Saudi Arabia makes me very glad I am not him.

So, how does one measure success, resilience and emotional intelligence? Also, would you change what you are doing now if you knew what was in the future?

As a regular listener of Radio 4 despite not drinking “a lot of chardonnay and claret:” http://www.standard.co.uk/news/radio-4s-listeners-arent-middle-class-just-intelligent-6565732.html and working in mental health and wellbeing services I have certainly picked up some tips that can be useful.

Mirga Grazinyte-Tyla in ‘Behind the Scenes’ this week was passionate about creativity and the power of music. I have definitely felt that and found music to be a source of strength. This is what she said,

“Digest the material, then as soon as it is in your brain and body and heart, you get incredible amounts of inspiration and energy: this is the source … thank God, we have this source… a lot of challenges … probably there is no other way than to go the other way round and facing these difficulties and trying to find some material solutions and realistic solutions and at the same time to start thinking somewhere else and not in the problem itself … using the creativity and dreaming of things with no limits … this is the courage we all have to find”.

This week also I heard a programme about the merits of persistence, “Fall Down Seven Times, Get Up Eight” where “Naoki Higashida describes the delight of being able to communicate with others, a rare joy for him, since his autism makes it difficult for him to speak easily, or access the words he would like to say…Naoki displays many of the classic autistic “tics”: he vocalises looped thoughts in a high-pitched voice; repeatedly drums his fingers against hard surfaces — known as “stimming”; has a hard time concentrating; and occasionally endures meltdowns — loud, agitated, sobbing — caused by fixations that he knows are irrational even as he suffers them; for example, being unable to turn on all the taps in an airport bathroom. It’s full-on, relentless and sometimes dignity-shredding. This isn’t the high-functioning, Asperger’s end of the spectrum we’re talking here.”

“Most of this book was written around the age of eighteen, painstakingly, Japanese syllable by syllable, using a low-tech Alphabet Grid. And, from the Alphabet Grid of the insider, he reveals the pain of being non-verbal, and the depth of love and gratitude he feels for his family. Most compellingly, he reveals autism as simply a different way of being, and of seeing” ( BBC Radio 4)

One of the things that seemed to be key is people around him not imposing limitations.

On “One to One” today Dr. Faye Didymus, from Leeds Beckett University talked to Mark Steel about the “link between the way comedians and sporting types deal with performance anxiety, crowd hostility, risk taking and more.” I only listened to the last 10 minutes of the programme but they were quite clear that not comparing yourself to others was important, also getting yourself into the right head space.

We all have lows, but different tools can enable us to make a comeback. That is not to say it is easy or we should underestimate the difference in degrees and challenge, we all have different abilities, opportunities and resources.

Foresight, the Government’s Office for Science was tasked to explore ways to take advantage of, and increase the mental capital and wellbeing in the UK in order to benefit both individuals and society as a whole. In their findings Foresight identified that for positive mental health, spirituality was a key part, alongside emotional, psychological, social, and physical factors (Foresight, 2008). Evidence presented to the Foresight project by the New Economics Foundation’s (NEF) Centre for Wellbeing identified Five Ways to Wellbeing:

  • “Connect…With the people around you. With family, friends, colleagues and neighbours. At home, work or school in your local community. Think of these as cornerstones of your life and invest time in developing them. Building these connections will support and enrich you every day.
  • Be active…Go for a walk or a run. Step outside. Cycle. Play a game. Garden. Dance. Exercising makes you feel good. Most importantly, discover a physical activity you enjoy and that suits your level of mobility and fitness.
  • Take notice… Be curious. Catch sight of something beautiful. Remark on the unusual. Notice the changing seasons. Savour the moment, whether you are walking to work, eating lunch or talking to friends. Be aware of the world around you and what you are feeling. Reflecting on your experiences will help you appreciate what matters to you.
  • Learn… Try something new. Rediscover old interests. Sign up for a course. Take on a different responsibility at work. Fix a bike. Learn to play an instrument or how to cook your favourite food. Set a challenge that you enjoy achieving: Learning new things will make you more confident as well as being fun
  • Give…Do something nice for a friend or a stranger. Thank someone. Smile. Volunteer your time. Join a community group. Look out, as well as in. Seeing yourself, and your happiness, as linked to the wider community can be incredibly rewarding and creates connections with the people around you. …

Mindfulness, meditation or simply just breathing can help, particularly breathing which is an essential source of energy. A connection to your inner world and silence is important.

May we all be well, healthy and strong:

May we all be happy.

May we all abide in peace

May we all feel safe and secure

May we all feel loved and cared for.

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Q Khan

Written by

Q Khan

Trainer, educator, well being facilitator …