After reading all your comments on this thread I am convinced of your good intentions, but why are…
Ana Frusinoiu

Hmmm… thanks for Reminding me of “Q” from star treck…… He was one hell of a character…. Unfortunately, No, the Q. Has nothing to do with him, or what he stood for in the series….. My first name (In Albanian) would be the word for Lion (which is why the avatar… and Q i just the first letter of my surname…. I did not think things as deeply as you seem to believe (though thank you….)

Now…. getting back to the subject on-hand … I think I made it clear that I am not blaming the victims themselves… I am blaming the social setup which has been placing women in extremely dangerous positions while they are constantly being told that that is the way to go….. the individuals who have been victimized are not to be blamed for running into an idiot (or two)….

( if you really read all my comments on this post you would have read the part about the number of women raped during the war here) It would be like blaming them for belonging to the “wrong nation” once the Serbian forces showed up…..

But… (And I am going at it again) … there is something utterly wrong with the social setup which tells women it is OK (well, for s much as I am concerned it is OK)… maybe I should say “safe” … to place themselves in positions that are extremely dangerous… Maybe it is because women may have changed their way of thinking… men haven’t….

I think I might draw a parallel with telling people it is OK to go through a field which has bin littered with mines …. some, might get lucky and pas through unscathed… others will step on one of those things and get killed or maimed…

As for my approach… Tell me, how much help in preventing these kind of things has the current approach given…. How many attacks were stopped through current ways of dealing with the issue???? One of the problems with the way things are done is that the individuals who will commit such an attack do not read what the victims, or their supporters are saying on the internet…and even if they do.. they do not care or empathize.

here is a real life story…. about 6, 6 and a half years ago… when I started dating the woman who is now my wife, (And who just happens to be a bit younger, and at the time… was a bit more naive) … I figured that I know what is out there, and that I will not be able to be with her 24/7…. so one of the first things I did, was to spend some time teaching her how to carry and use a knife…. within 18 months , it was exactly the things that I taught her that saved her from two extremely ugly situations (Well, they ended up ugly for the men….but that was OK) … I mean, violence is never OK — — but there are times, and individuals, that simply leave no other option… and no one can spend a lifetime hoping that they wont run into one of those

Now…. If she did not have a weapon with her, and knew how to use it… she would have probably been telling one of these stories…

What I am saying is that , in order to prevent similar stuff happening in the future, maybe a tougher approach is needed. No everyone is OK, not everything is fine…. and there are consequences even for the actions that we believe should not have any. It is not, at all, about what is right or what is wrong, or the way things and people “should be”… It is about the way things are … And until women start accepting that, and understanding that even if they ( or their male “friends”) think something is, or should be OK, normal behavior of grown-ups having a bit of fun…. It may not seem like that to someone else… even someone who is close to them

(someone commented about a large part of rapes being done by people you know… and that is generally true) ….. This is a scenario which has been repeated very often… a male “friend” has been sticking around because he is actually in love with the woman ( Again, As I said before.. a dangerous setup) .. during the time he is friends with her, he sees her changing boyfriends, she talks to him about her dates… you get the picture. sooner or later that character starts thinking “she is giving to everyone else.. so why have I been spending all this time around and getting nothing”- which is when things get ugly……

Or.. a sexually frustrated student who has been watching a girl he is in love with “experiment” with other students…. sooner or later his mind will tell him the same thing…. “IF she is giving it out to them…..”

You want to prevent these attacks in the future (Or at least a large part of them) start teaching women (the younger the better) that there are things and behaviors that are simply dangerous…. that they should treat every possible candidate the way they would treat them if, let’s say, there was a joint Gonorrhea, syphilis and AIDS epidemic around and there are no condoms in existence….. that every encounter is potentially extremely dangerous and that they truly should know the people they end up in bed with (or even alone in a room with, since something like that is enough for some characters to take it has an invitation) …. that with or without condoms, “safe sex” is something completely different.

(The me from 10 years ago is kicking me in the butt saying that if women acted like that I would have gotten laid, on average, once a year….)

Again… you might have changed…. Men did not (OK a few did… but a lot didn’t) …. so, either learn to accept that, or start carrying weapons ….

Otherwise… it will not be the men (in general) but the women who were telling the younger ones to “live it up” … who have been insisting on other women to “show their independence and that they can do everything the same way that men do” … that will be to blame when some ( again, SOME not all) attacks happen….

You simply do not tell people that it is OK to walk through a mine-field… it may not be just… it may be a very beautiful field…. but that is the way it is. And until all the mines have been cleared out- whomever points to that field and says “do not worry, it is OK to be yourself over there” is to blame every time someone steps on a mine

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