OK.. this will take a few minutes to answer… but I am answering to someone who has taken the time to read through what I have written… and actually thought about the content …so, it is my privilege to keep this up “neighbor”.. :)
I am going to start at the end… maybe, since you are local ( I see the entire Balkans as one single entity….) you might figure out what I am talking about when I say that I am Kosovar, not Albanian…. Meaning, even genetically, my mother is from Serbia, my father a Kosovar Albanian… ( And yes, that kind of background did provide for a lot of “fun” during the 1990-s occupation and, at the end war) … So, if there is an identity i subscribe to… it is the one that deals with my homeland, not the nations that happen to be living here…
(BTW- my work has taken me to Romania a few times… beautiful country- with some amazing poets- especially in the early years of the 20th century)
Now- coming back to the subject… I haven’t been commenting on the fault of the perpetrators (In this case the men), not because I do not believe they are to blame, quite the opposite… it is because there is no one else to blame but them… I did not want to get into the entire thing, but i do believe that there can be only two possible punishments for a rapist- death (If I am in a good mood) or castration (which for many men would be worse than death)…. As I said before , even if we take away the rape campaign during the war here- I have had girlfriends who were raped when they were younger,I have friends that were raped… I am very much aware on the kind of damage that can cause to a human being… or the strength and determination (as well as bravery) that is needed to get up and start functioning again after something like that — — and often, there is not much difference between killing, or raping someone lives are destroyed, families are torn apart … so- the punishment should be the same as if it was for a murder…at best …
And I am telling you this as a man… there is no excuse, there is no apology, there is no justification…. IF a man is weak enough to do something like that to another human being- he should be made an example of- to scare the others for the future…. not have them go through 3 years of prison combined with light therapy…. SO that afterwards they can feel sorry for themselves (or do it again) while the victim is left holding on to whatever she can until the end of her days
Which, again, is why I am saying that (to a point) you are wrong about not wanting to insult all men… when it comes to sex, and the male-female relations some of us ( I have to say “us”) are blubbering idiots who function with their dick instead of their brain who really can not (Or do not want to) control themselves in some situations… It is understood that not everyone is like that…. but you better make 100% Sure who are you dealing with before you make a decision on anything….
And no, I am not saying you should all get up to wearing burka-s, but I am saying that you should understand that there are a whole lot of idiots out there (Remember the mine-field comparison)
When I am talking about behavior and what is right and what is safe…. I am not talking out of thin air
There was a certain period of time (Back when I was younger and a bit more handsome) during which I, if I may say so, had quite a good run with women- I still have no idea why, but they liked me…. it was especially good in the west, and the further I got, the better it got for me…. during my stints in the states, for example, ( well, those times when I went there as a single character)…. If I felt lonely, or horny… all I had to do was go into some of the clubs or bars I frequented, stand, or sit by the bar… and it usually took between 10 and 40 minutes for a woman to walk over and start a conversation with me… in a lot (not all) of these cases, we were walking into the same room about 2 hrs after we started talking….. And for as long as I had a condom on me, or had no problems using a condom they had on them… it was ON
I am not judging, far from it …. ( I would truly like to thank all of those women for giving me a piece of their time and sharing with me a piece of themselves) … but THAT is the exact dangerous behavior I am talking about. None of these women knew who I truly was, none of them took the time to find out, none of them drilled.. pushed.. asked…. anything of any real importance, I could have said anything- lied about anything- it wouldn't have mattered….. But what would have happened if I was a sexual predator and a serial killer… Instead of the orgasms- those women might have as well ended up feeling pure horror…. None of them had any way of knowing will I give them orgasms, or will I subject them to some sort of torture and execution ….
SO No, I am not telling you to not engage in any contact with men, what I am saying is, take a good look at who are you dealing with. What lies behind their smile, behind their words, or in their eyes…. I am saying that , In case you want to avoid these situations, you should stop thinking and acting like we (the men) do… We ( or, at least ME) can afford risks like the ones that I was talking about, simply because that (Although I am almost 41) even now it will be a bit difficult to find a male character that could stand up to me in hand-to-hand combat … and I suppose that makes for even less women. So, even if I am left alone with her 10 minutes after we met- I know she will not be able to make me do anything I do not want to…. And unless you are one of the women who can knock the Shi!! out of someone 3 times your size, you are better off staying away from similar encounters
So, No, I am not blaming the victim… I blame the perpetrators…. but I also blame the social setup which has made the women who ended up being victimized think that there is no difference between a man acting like I used to and a women acting like I used to- that the risks are the same….
You are right about the need to change the mindset… but it hasn’t happened yet… and until it does- women will be ending up in same extremely dangerous positions …. Because, you see, when it comes to the characters I am talking about, it makes no difference if you are wearing a burqa or a bikini, have you been opening up your soul to them… or have you been chatting about the weather- they see and hear only the picture that has already been created in their minds… add to that just e bit of what they might see as incentive……
Not all of us are like that…. but some are…. and you can not get around it by saying “It is not the way it should be”… or “We need to make them understand”… they will not understand, they do not want to understand, and any man that claims anything different, is either lying to you or he has no idea what he is talking about …. In my previous reply I gave you a couple of scenarios on why in the vast majority of cases, it is the person you know who attacks you…. It is because he was not hovering around you because he is such a good friend, but because he wants to be something else….
So, ( I do not know about subliminal) but my message is… Men who commit rape are fully to blame for what they did, and if they are not made to pay for their actions, then they will do it again- and encourage others to act in the same way….
But there is also a lot of blame to be placed on those who are failing to pass that message to the women, who are not telling you that , in a lot of ways, there are still a lot of characters out there who do see you as nothing more than “the meat that surrounds the genitals” — and this is even before I get into defining a certain type of male who actually feels the need to fully dominate their partners, both physically and emotionally…..
(Which brings us back to your point about the “peer party”)
Women, generally tend to behave according to the ways that the women around them behave… they listen to each-other more than to anyone else… So, as peers- women, especially the ones who have been victimized and are trying to get their message across, besides their experiences should be spending more time in explaining the social setup which has led to them being attacked …. and most of all…. explaining that some of us (Men) actually are in=-capable of acting like human beings when it comes to sex, who do see women as something that exists only to pleasure them….
And, most of all, to be weary of “friends” who are in love with them.
I know my approach towards this may seem hard to some individuals…. just like my approach to rapists (shoot them on sight) might be a bit extreme to others …. but come on….
I asked you before….. How many attacks did the current way of dealing with these issues prevent???!!! How many attackers, or would-be attackers said “oh, I read her story and I feel sooo bad” ? Hell, if anything, for some of them- these kind of stories are a turn-on
Now.. How many attacks do you think could have been prevented if the women/girls who were attacked simply took the time to really know the individual before ending up alone with them in a room?