I’M AFRAID I’M GOING TO HAVE TO CANCEL MEN
John DeVore
1.3K166

“ All I can do is open my heart.”

But you don’t; you’re looking at yourself, not at others. You wrote a piece that’s intended to capture your own heroic stance in life; it was an exercise in narcissism.

“Have you been rejected? I am sorry, your highness, but we do not always get that which we want.”

Look at the young people around you who are misogynistic, especially in the “dark safe spaces” of the internet. Some of them are remnants of the old order: successful men who want to take pride in “being real men, better than women”. Those deserve a good talking to, in the tone that you’re using.

But many of them identify as losers. Often, they’re men biologically, sure, but they’re failing at being “men” socially. That’s where the obsession with being “alpha” comes from. These “losers” face the burden of being a “man” (making the first steps, and risking rejection; keeping emotions to themselves; being muscular; responding to aggression with aggression; etc.). Their obsession with sexist gender roles comes not from expecting special privileges when they finally meet the standards, but from suffering from the negative consequences of failing to meet these standards. So they don’t get it when people tell them that they are privileged . Ask yourself — is it a privilege to “invent sexual conquests” out of shame for an unfulfilling sex life? Is that really much better than having to hide your fulfilling sex life?

If you were more perceptive, less self-absorbed, you would use a different language. You would tell these sad sexists that rejection is tough for everyone, and that it is ridiculous that dating is still so asymmetrical, and unfair to them, as well as it is unfair to women. You would also tell them that their situation is largely due to the very values that they desperately seek to conform to, and they might join you in the good fight.

And maybe you’d help them to become better persons.

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