Friday Feelings

Briana Quamina
Jul 28, 2017 · 2 min read

I’ve been isolating a lot more than usual. I just feel that a lot of things are out of my control and I’m not used to not having a hold on my own thoughts. I’m not used to my spirit feeling like it’s not mine. I really don’t understand what’s going on but I know that I’m growing. I’m stretching above my skin. I feel like myself but I don’t at the same time. And I don’t mind it but the frustration is real, of not knowing when I’ll fully feel as one. It bothers me. But I know that with every level of becoming whatever it is that you have to become, there’s a task. There’s a door you have to walk into but in order to walk in there are a few things you do have to defeat. Right now I think it’s loneliness. Not the kind of loneliness that most people know. I don’t mind my solitude, in fact I prefer spiritual solitude. When I talk about loneliness I don’t equate that to the romantic idea of lonely. I’m just giving myself space and I feel like everything else is in the distance for me. It’s tiring. What I’ve always understood is; stay in your body. My greatest truth. No matter what’s going on, stay in your body and keep feeling. Do what you need to do to get through what you need to get through. Often times we give up on ourselves because the stretching becomes too intense for what you might have planned in your head. But I’m learning that things never look like what you have in your head, like the expectations you have in your head don’t look the same when you put it in real life, in real time. It’s different. I think I know what’s happening. I think it’s me growing. I know that I’m growing and I know that people are telling me not to isolate and to let them in my mind so I won’t have to do it alone. But my spirit is telling me that I NEED to embark on this journey on my own. I have to trust my intuition. I have to trust my spirit before I trust anyone else’s; their words or speculations. Sometimes journeys look different for different people, and you have to be ok with that. I know there are people that I love and that love me that I try to protect but I’m realizing that you’ve got to just let people live; let them be bc that’s how they find themselves or get back to themselves.

Briana Quamina

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Creator. Thinker. Feminist. A blue line in a red sky trying to seek the essence of color in humanity.

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