DNC Scared to Recount Primary?

Benny Hyman, Esq., is a New York Mob attorney who represents the world’s darkest quietest killers. This is an interview of Mr. Hyman by Quality Filth creator and editor Ryan E. Long. Mr. Hyman wrote the following questions — and answers — for this interview.

Benny: Yeah, kid, change the spiel, cause I’m not a “New York mob attorney,” I’m a “New York monster attorney,” cause my clients is some monsters.

Ryan: Um, yeah, apologies Mr. Hyman.

The crappy dressed attorney sat in front of me in his fancy Tribeca loft office.

Ryan: So, Mr. Hyman, tell me, thoughts on Ms. Jill Stein’s push this past week to recount the general election?

Benny: My thoughts? I got one: if that broad Stein wants to really have some fun, then why ain’t she recounting the DNC primary mess instead? I mean, is the DNC scared to do a primary recount?

Ryan: What do you mean Mr. Hyman?

Benny: Come on, kid, you and Robin DeNiro . . .

Ryan: You mean Mr. Robert DeNiro?

Benny: Whateva, you know who I’m tawking about, kid, and both of use got to take you’re hands off your eyes and ears, see, get out of fantasy land.

Ryan: Meaning?

Benny: Robin DeNiro, if you going to get pissed and threaten people with punches, like you did in that video about Trump, then where was you when you when dat DNC primary waz fixed like the 1919 world-series?

Ryan: Fixed?

Benny: Yeah, dat broad Wasserman, she was the chairperson of the DNC, right?

Ryan: Yes.

Benny: Check this, kid, article 4 of the DNC bylaws says that, let me see this wrinkled piece of paper here, “the Chairperson shall exercise impartiality and evenhandedness as between the Presidential candidates and

campaigns.” Ever hear article 4 of those by laws written about about in The New York Times, Washington Post, or CNN?

Ryan: Alright, Mr. Hyman, so?

Benny: So what? You seem all dem Wiki Dickie’s leaks showing that Wasserman tipping the scales towards Hillary Peron?

Ryan: You mean Mrs. Clinton?

Benny: Peron, Clinton, name don’t matter cause the question is the same: was Wasserman’s behavior impartial?

Ryan: Supposing it wasn’t, but Mrs. Clinton would have won the primary anyway.

Benny: You don’t know dat and, if that’s so certain, then why’d her DNC people lean on Sanders?

Ryan: I don’t know.

Benny: And what you going to tell your kid after losing a baseball game, eh, too bad sonny, the other side paid off the umpire, but you would have lost anyway cause your baseball skills stink big time?

As I thought about Mr. Hyman’s question, he played with a Rubik’s cube on his desk.

I finally answered:

Ryan: Probably wouldn’t tell my child that.

Benny: Eh, of course not, so that’s’ why I always tell dem prosecutors, you play clean with my clients, you safe. You play dirty, plant evidence on my clients, or their families, then you going to meet Lucifer one day.

Ryan: Jeez, Mr. Hyman, you seem to be on top of this tuff. I wonder why Mr. Sanders didn’t hire you to represent him when the DNC primary was going on?

Benny: Cause I only take cash.

Ryan: So?

Benny: Yeah well, Sanders would have wanted to pay me in free health care or some trip to Vermont, I mean, ain’t he from Crooklyn?

Now Mr. Hyman rolled some pink dice on his desk.

I answered:

Ryan: I don’t know.

Benny: Rhetorical question, kid, but I got to go, get one my clients out of jail in Brooklyn, just got his speed dial text, “yo, in BK. Come get me.”

And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. To learn more about Mr. Hyman, read about his defense of two priests and a nun accused of murdering 19 priests in The Naïve Daring of Outsiders, a satirical crime thriller novel that will be available for sale on Amazon, iTunes and Barnes & Noble for Christmas.