Trump’s Hacked Tax Returns!
by Poncho M. Sanchez
Poncho Sanchez, alleged to be Einstein’s nephew and a retried Cartel CEO, is featured in the criminal satire novella Outsourced to Lucifer. Below is Poncho’s interview of IRS chief Mr. John Koskinen about Donald Trump’s hacked tax returns:
Poncho: Dang, commissioner man, you been like wanting buy Poncho’s organic fair trade diapers cause of this impeachment shit you’ve been threatened with?
John: What a joke, politically motivated witch hunt.
He like totally rushed to put some e-mails in a safe.
John: So how can I help you today, Mr. Sanchez?
Be looking at his office collection of, like, financial wisdoms.
Poncho: Yeah, Johnny, want to ask you about some of these things.
John: Name is John, Mr. Sanchez.
Poncho: Johnny is cooler, like more millennial sounding.
I snapper my dirty Sanchez fingers, and my primo Fernando came in with, like, a dolly, of The Donald’s hacked tax returns for every year since 1995.
John: Mr. Sanchez, Mr. Sanchez, you can’t just bring all of your trash here.
Poncho: Call me Poncho, Johnny, like you love me.
Johnny took off his cheap ass C & R jacket made in the Philippines. I took a peak a this sweaty ass armpits, comparing them to my own, wondering who was more dirty sweaty shady smart: the Mexican Cartels or the IRS last few years?
Poncho: Let’s see here, what about Donald’s 1995 tax return shit.
John: Ooh, I can’t wait to see the goods on him, can’t wait!
He like all sitting at his desk with a big pen that say “audit champ” on it. I took the first page of The Donald’s tax return, gave a copy to Johnny, we both admiring the art of the net operation loss deductions we seeing, some of which was like:
Shiny long like sort of Las Vegas looking but expensive ties: $20,000,000.00.
Boring suits that are expensive and fit me like boxy Brooks Brothers: $20,000,000.00
Aqua Net hair spray to keep my Queens fro super tight: $10,000,000.00
Man landscaping (especially my potentially Muppets-like eyebrows): $3,000,000.00
“HUGE” Trojan rubbers: $30,000,000.00
Adult stimulation (a/k/a “sex toys”): $3,000,000.00
Poncho: So, like, what you thinking and shit about this stuff, Johnny?
I taking out my inhaler filled with Girl Scout grass, asking if Johnny wanting to take like a hit. He put his hand up, which had his special Rocky looking audit glove on it, to say like no and shit.To read more of my IRS interview, check it out her.
Click here to read the rest of my rad interview!