What is love?

A best friend’s confession

We feel so much pain and agony when you go through life, singled out alone even though sometimes you are surrounded by friends. Yet, there are times that are unforgettable in your life. Times that your life has changed for the better. I do not know if you have ever experienced that same feeling, but I know I have. That feeling, I call love.

Only twice in my life had I ever felt that feeling, going through my stomach. Butterflies, and not just one but thousands of them. Cramming into one spot telling me, that this might be it. Its a feeling that keeps you up at night, wakes you, and and makes you wonder what could they be doing at this point and time. Always so curious about what they are doing. Yet, when they are around or when you are talking to them hours could pass by, and for you it feels like minutes. It could never been enough. And when you seem them smile it makes you laugh and smile along that they are happy with whatever they are doing. But, they never know it.

However, they do not know it. You do not have the courage to tell them how you actually feel about them. To you, they are that one pearl in the sea that you will only find once.

The first time I have ever felt this feeling was when I was in love for the first time ever as a teenager. The second time was for the past few months here at my college. And yet, this feeling has not disappeared it has stayed in my heart. I feel it. Every morning I get up, every waking hour and sleeping hour it is all I think about.

Despite thinking that here was the wrong choice, it was the right choice for that one person. In terms of academics and my future, I do not belong here. In terms of this one person, I would probably stay here for her. To me she is my best friend. But best friend does not even begin to describe how I feel about her. It is much beyond that. I do love her.

Her quirks, her imperfections, the sly smile she makes when she does something and I know she did, and yet I do not mind. The cute laugh she has when she giggles. It is all there. And yet, even the absence of perfect makes it even better. It allows you to appreciate her for who she is and what she does. I do not always agree, but why should I want to change that. It is the exact reason why I feel the way I do.

Now if you asked me to describe her to you I do not know if I could capture everything about her that makes me go nuts. Could it be the golden ratio. Or could it be her curly hair that flails in the wind when she runs? Or could it be the beautiful outfits she wears, even when she is dressed down? I do not know to be honest. Yet, every time I see it, its like I have fallen all over again.

In fact, the first time I ever laid my eyes on her was in Chemistry Lab. She was clueless. But the kind of clueless that burns with curiosity to learn and is fascinated by everything that is around her. I remember that day like it was just about an hour ago. A warm sunshine was burning on that day. In the lab it was burning, because of the sun that was coming in. And to be honest none of us were in good spirits. Yet, here she stood like a mermaid basking in the sun. Right from there, I was hooked, like a fisherman. However, I never wanted to say a thing. Until now.

When finally she told me how she feel about me. Both of us were a bit on the tipsy side, yet we still remembered that night. It was like right out of a fairy tale. It felt like for a second the snow would start melting. Everything just happened all of a sudden, and yet I did not want those moments alone to end. Every minute was like a second that should have just lasted forever. Everything she said, everything she did still resonates with me. And all I wanted was just another second. Sadly the night would end and the secret would stay between us. The rest of the world unaware of what actually happened.

Sadly that night, I just did not know what to say to her. But now I do. I want her to know how I truly feel about all that. As your friend it is my job to be there for you. But as a best friend its my job to care about you. But as someone who loves you, it is my job to be by your side no matter what happens. Encourage what you do, and help you make it to where you want to be. If that means holding your hand along the way, then thats what it should. If it means walking to grab you when you fall back or forward then thats what I should do. I just dont know how to say it in words in person to you. It is just so much to take in.

To me you are like a drug.

Love, it is a drug. A drug that I want to take and be high off of. One that I want to share with you through whatever may happen. One that I dont want to be ashamed that I am taking, taking it because I love my best friend. It is not just some love for a friend. But a love where through the toughest times I can help you out. One where you can put trust in, and that will never be taken away from you. To me love means being someone like you. It may not be forever, it may not be for long, but the fact that it existed is what matters to me most.

I hope this gets to you. I hope you understand what it means to me.