The Fell Walkers’ Guide To Eternity
Chapter Three: Fears In Solitude
While not really seeing my reflection makes things strange, the lack of companionship means there’s nothing I can reflect off. Perhaps we only see ourselves through others, or at the least get our social clues from them, I was worried about the solitary existence — you’ll note I didn’t say life — that I have. I could go mad and not notice. This was a real worry and something that seemed certain, given how little I know about whatever version of the world I am in.
So, it was something of a shock, when walking along one cold Winter night, I saw a figure in the moonlight heading towards me. The fells are a lonely place on a windless night like this. It’s hard to judge distance and, enveloped in the dark, with the Moon weaving between the clouds, the sound of boots over icy rocks filled me with dread. The footsteps grew ever nearer, the silhouette of what approached grew bigger. I saw the looming figure appeared to be holding something, but what made me take notice was that this apparition seemed somehow out of place, not quite fitting into the world. Crunch, crunch, they came closer I could see it was a man wearing very dark clothes, rather like an oilskin jacket. He had a stoic and weather-beaten face edged with matted black hair and short beard.
He looked sternly at me and nodded his head slightly. I nervously returned the gesture. He walked up to me, I could see that he was holding a lamb, “Ah’ve found this young ‘un, better take her to her Ma,” he explained.
“You new?” he peered at me, “Ah’ve not seen thee afore.”
“I think I’m new,” I replied as I suddenly recognised that whatever we were, we were the same kind, “I thought I was alone,” I added.
“It feels that way forra bit, you feel like a shadow, but you get to know folk.” He stared deeply into me, thought for a second, hesitating slightly, “Just keep doing what’s right and follow your heart.” he added. Then he took his leave and walked into the dark night without looking back. I watched him disappear into the black night and I realised I was shaking, it was as frightening as reassuring to discover that I wasn’t alone.
But I felt alone. I continued wandering the fells, being guided by intuition. It was one such nudges from the psyche that led to me to one of the highest mountain tarns. As I approached the pool of water, I saw an elderly woman who appeared to be consoling a brown-haired woman in her twenties. The lady shook her finger at me, warning me to stay away, so I turned away and sat down by a large boulder where I could watch and wait. I knew the younger couldn’t see me so the white-haired lady must be another of the ‘shadows’. They were talking, with their faces only inches apart. The girl reached down and handed something over. They hugged for a while and the old lady watched as the younger walked slowly away, until she was out of sight.
“Hello my dear, I’m Pam and who might you be?” Her voice startled me, I hadn’t seen her approach, but I introduced myself. “I’m David, pleased to meet you.”
“Aye, Sam told me about you.”
Pam sat down next to me and pulled a bottle of vodka out of one pocket, a bottle of painkillers out of another. She nodded towards where I’d seen her with the young woman, “Poor thing,” she whispered, then more loudly, “boy troubles.” The weight of the world seemed to hang off her face for a moment, she looked unbearably sad. I was about to offer some vacuous sympathy when she suddenly brightened. “I think she’ll be all right now.”
“How are you doing pet?” She asked, and I looked into her face and saw the depth of her kindness, the sense of someone completely at peace with herself, “Sam said you were still a bit dazed.”
“I’m not sure really, I don’t know what’s going on,” I shrugged, not knowing how to explain what I felt like or sort out the thousands of questions that suddenly rushed to the forefront of my mind. She put her hand gently on my wrist, gently tapped my arm. I looked up at her, expectantly.
“Nobody can explain it to you, but it’ll come out, don’t worry about that. We’re here for a reason, remember that,” she said. “What I can tell you, is that it is important that you learn to listen, to do the right thing.” She looked at me sternly, “That’s the one thing you need to do, the answers will come as long as you keep listening to the guidance that comes to us.”
I nodded and she hugged me and wandered off, leaving me transfixed, struggling to take it all in.
