“I Just Can’t.”
3 Things to Remember When You’re Doubting Yourself
When facing my biggest hurdles in life, I’ve struggled to shift my mindset back to where I know it should be. I’ve thought, “This is impossible!”, “I can’t do this!” and “I don’t deserve to be happy.” Mindset is a living, breathing thing, always fluctuating- sometimes jumping back to things you haven’t thought about in years, but have been lurking in the darkness waiting to jump out and take over. In order to fight the darkness, you need to remember three important things: Possibility, Ability, Worthiness (PAW).
Possibility
You ever meet someone who just doesn’t believe certain things are possible? Maybe your friend constantly says, “I wish I could be healthier.” But then never takes any steps towards being healthier. Or maybe your family member is always telling you that your dreams are only dreams- not something that will ever come true. Maybe even in your own mind, you doubt that those things you want are possible.
It’s impossible to have work life balance. It’s impossible to get a job. It’s impossible to buy a house. These are some of the things that pop up in Google’s suggested search, which means there are multiple people who feel these things are true, and are looking for sources to back up their doubt. When you get into that mindset- you run the risk of thinking it about just about anything.
Working in a job you love? Impossible. Follow your dreams? Impossible. Doing laundry? Impossible. Getting out of bed? Impossible.
What would happen if you started looking at things as possible? (Not necessarily easy- but possible.) For some people, a certain task may be easier than it is for you. But I guarantee you that that’s not always the case, and that there are things that are difficult for those people that are simple for you. We are all at different places in our lives, and that’s okay.
What’s important is the possibility. Notice it in the language of people around you, and the words that you use yourself. What are you saying will never happen? What are you saying is impossible? The words coming out of your mouth are feeding your mindset. Are you so busy telling yourself that your goals are impossible that you are missing the opportunities right in front of you?
Things may not change immediately. But keep note of what you say out loud and what you say to yourself internally. When those “it’s not possible” thoughts come up- challenge them. Say “It’s possible. Now, how can I get there?”
Ability
You’re smart enough to know that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. Everyone has different resources and different levels of support. Some people seem to have everything they need without ever working for it; some people seem as if they have nothing. But what’s important is not external resources- it’s the resources that are internal. Your passion. Your persistence. Your drive. Your kindness. Your courage. Your faith. Maybe one is a little weaker than the others- but you have your own internal resources that are more valuable than you might give them credit for.
We are always hearing stories about people who came from difficult situations and are now somewhere else. They might be billionaires, or they might be a person you see every day (or both I guess- if you’re hanging out with billionaires on the daily.) We often see other people succeeding and think, “Oh yeah. Well they can do that because blah blah blah. I can’t do that because blah blah blah.” That’s trash.
It probably won’t be easy. That’s just plain fact. But resist the temptation to envy someone else’s resources, and take inventory of your own. Start with those resources, and build. Craft your empire. Sculpt your future. It’s possible, and you are able.
Worthiness
We all go through a lot of experiences in our lives. Some of those experiences make us believe things about ourselves that aren’t true. It’s easy to say “I don’t deserve to be happy.” or “I don’t deserve healthy relationships.” Especially if someone in your past (or present!) is continually telling you that- whether it’s verbally or nonverbally. You may not even realize this rhetoric is in your head- but you will see it in your actions.
People self-sabotage because they don’t believe they deserve to have what they’re so close to getting. People stop trying because they tell themselves they aren’t worthy of getting what they want. Please. If you get nothing else from this post, please take away this: you deserve to be happy. You are worth taking care of. You are worth fighting for.
Other people may not fight for you. Maybe those people aren’t in your life right now. Other people may try to make you miserable or not bother to take care of you when you need it- but those people are irrelevant. You need to know what you deserve. Take care of yourself. Fight for yourself. Look for happiness inside yourself. Overcoming those terrible thoughts is not a simple task- it takes lots of practice. But I know you can (ability); it can happen (possibility), and you deserve it (worthiness).
Did this resonate with you? Comment below and tell me your thoughts.
