Own your fluidity.
“All identities are valid.” Queers love to say this, only to raise an eyebrow at the lesbian who mentions her ex-boyfriend, or the trans person who changes their pronouns more than once. All too often, when queers say “all identities are valid” it’s with the unspoken caveat: “as long as you’re absolutely certain, and your narrative is coherent, and you stay in your box.”
Why are queers resistant to “incoherence” (read: fluidity) in ourselves and others? In my experience, the impulse is rooted in trauma. When you’ve been told over and over again that your desires are unnatural, that your relationship isn’t valid, or that your sexual orientation or gender expression is “just a phase,” you learn to be ashamed of your experiences, and to not trust your own account of them. …
Talking safe butt stuff with VOA FIT.
Most of us have had some sort of sexual education class during schooling. It was most likely taught to you by a very awkward P.E. teacher who was forced to briefly go over the birds and the bees of cis het sex. Or, you had an eighth grade science and life skills teacher that told you buttholes were for pooping and pooping only.
However, we ALL know that is not true.
We sat down with VOA FIT to discuss what kind of safety precautions people should take while engaging in anal sex. According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), anal sex is primarily growing in popularity with couples under age 45. In fact, in a national survey, 36 percent of women and 44 percent of men reported that they’ve had anal sex with an opposite-sex partner. …
My introduction to the queer leather community.
A couple of weeks ago I attended my first leather event: the 2020 Kentucky Leather Pride Competition. I went in a virgin (figuratively speaking), and left with a newfound appreciation and respect for the leather community.
By the time I arrived, the bar was filled all the way up with queers in leather harnesses, pup play gear, and other kink attire. I was definitely the odd man out in my button-down and jeans. But I didn’t feel out of place. In fact, one of the first things I noticed was how friendly and welcoming the crowd was. The majority of the audience appeared to be cis gay men, but there was also a good showing of trans men, non-binary folks, cis and trans women, and sober folk — some in leather, some not — all comfortably intermixing: a refreshing change from the segregation I usually witness at LGBTQ+ events. …
Editor’s note: This is an account of an actual experience. Names have been changed for confidentiality. Domestic violence also transcends gender and all people are vulnerable to it.
A few years ago, I met a woman (we will call her Karen) who was trapped in an unhealthy marriage with her partner — we will call her Shirley.
In the beginning, Shirley sought to control the Couple’s money. She would not let Karen use a credit card, debit card, or bank account.
Next, Shirley told Karen that she hated her friends. She drove a wedge between Karen and her friends and family. …
Thinking Queerly: A Series
The other day, someone misgendered me. Not to my face, but to my boyfriend. He said: “I hear you’re dating Adrian. Isn’t she trans? — or he — or whatever.”
My face was on fire as my boyfriend, a cis gay man, nervously relayed the story to me over the phone. Midway through, my thoughts started to spiral. How was I misgendered? I have a full beard, a flat chest, a deep voice, a masculine build. Does my boyfriend see me differently now? As less of a man? As more “trans” than “man?” …
“Thank ya, honey”
“Anything else I can get for ya, doll?”
Regional language has always been a main string of Southern culture’s DNA. Every place has their colloquialisms and particular ways of speaking, but there’s something about the south that invites a friendliness in conversation unmatched anywhere else. “There are no strangers in Kentucky,” the saying goes, but sometimes this friendliness can lead to unwanted displays of gendered affection.
Walk into just about any restaurant, business, or friendly neighborhood home in the south and you are likely to be greeted with a warm smile and a pet name. Sweetie, cutie, hon, darling -they flow like honeysuckle drenched assumptions. Assumptions of gender, of presentation, of relationships. …
A home for queer Kentuckians.
The Lodge is an artist’s dream studio, with over 9000 sq/ft of space for many different disciplines. We offer screen printing, photography, painting, audio recording and rehearsal space. Over the last eight years, we have been working to make this dream of creating a community arts center a reality, and with your help, we can finally reach this goal. The Lodge will offer public art events, art classes and demonstrations, community meeting space, and a place for artists to work on their crafts.
We are raising money to help The Lodge become a safer and more accessible building so that we can move forward with our mission to become a community arts center here in Northern Kentucky. We secured funding through a grant for the architectural planning of adding a fire escape and bathroom facilities on the first floor of the Lodge. This is where the crowdfunding comes into play. With the money that we raise here, we will be able to complete the final phase of construction of the bathroom and fire escape. This will allow us to start implementing public art projects and offer a larger capacity for community events. …
What it means to be black and queer in Kentucky.
Kaila Adia Story, PhD What does the word queer mean to you?
To me, Queer means not letting society, institutions, friends or loved ones define who you are, or you hope to be. It means defining yourself, for yourself. It means living freely, unapologetically and boldly. It means feeling so emboldened within your queer self that you free others. That you challenge others. It means that your queer presence frees those around you. …
By Chuck Leach, former pastor and counselor
We must stop folks from pushing children off the ledge. Conversion therapy (sometimes called “Reparative Therapy”) does exactly that; it pushes children off the ledge by unraveling the underpinnings of self-understanding, acceptance, and personhood.
Conversion therapy was concocted by well-intended but misguided people to extinguish a person’s attraction to the same sex, any acknowledgement of discomfort with the gender to which they were born, or any expression of being that is non-traditional by the conversionist’s standards.
Even though there was no empirical evidence of disease or disorder, psychiatrists Von Schrenk-Notzing, Sigmund Freud, Sandor Rado and others paved the way for the medical world to define a whole set of behaviors as “deviant” on the basis of lying outside the statistical majority. In some parts of the world, being blue-eyed is clearly deviant, yet still does not deserve to be a punishable offense. …
It is not yours to decide.
Pronouns matter. Apart from name, they are the main way we address other humans in conversation, thought, and identity. So understanding them and getting them right is vital.
Let’s start by defining the concept. Pronouns are the words we use when referring to another person. The three sets you will hear most often are:
The feminine: she/her/hers
The non-binary/gendered: singular they/them/theirs
The masculine: he/him/his
While other sets exist, these are the ones by far most utilized in everyday language. The feminine and masculine are the most commonly used because of the ingrained binary that society has faced prior, but it can be harmful to guess pronouns. …