INTRODUCTION
The World Health Organisation (WHO) defines infertility as a disease of the male and female reproductive system, defined by the failure to achieve a pregnancy after 12 months or more of regular unprotected sexual intercourse. Beyond its medical definition, infertility carries profound emotional, social and cultural implications, often leading to distress, stigma, distress and financial strain for couples.
When my husband and I tied the knot almost seven years ago, like every other newlyweds, we settled down to start a family. However, unlike many couples, we planned to start welcoming our babies after at least four months into our marital journey. Our reason was that we wanted to bond well and build a solid foundation for when we would welcome our babies. Little did we know that our journey would be fraught with challenges that would test our resilience and redefine our understanding of love and endurance.
I remember when a friend of the family who I had neither seen nor spoken to in a long time called me one day. I was so excited when I saw his call, only for him to remind me that since the weather in Jos, Plateau State, Nigeria, where we stay had changed and it was cold, my husband and I should try and utilize the weather by making babies. Each word was like a dagger aimed at my heart; it was smashed into smithereens. I was too stunned for words as every word that would have come out of my mouth stuck in my throat like a fishbone.
Then, we have the set of people who will share their pastor’s phone number or prayer links with me as soon as they hear that I am trying to conceive.
These experiences and more underscore the need for understanding and support for those steering this often silent struggle
The memoir will also expose the fact that most infertility cases are not spiritual like we are meant to believe in this part of the world. So many of the cases have cures, which the couples are oblivious to and are meant to suffer for what simple knowledge would have helped.
I believe it is a viable venture because the issue of infertility is on the rise and it is only very few people who are willing to write about their struggles. Many couples who have gone through this arduous journey are embarrassed to write about it at all.
You will agree with me that the number of memoirs that are flooding the market is overwhelming. Even as memoirs have saturated the publishing world, one topic people hardly write about and shy away from writing about is infertility, especially from their personal experience.
"Our Waiting Years" is a story that is aimed at encouraging couples who are in the waiting boat. It would also let them know that it might not end the way they want it, but it would prepare their hearts whatever the outcome turned out to be.
The book would also create awareness about infertility; proffer some solutions that might work for some couples, and help to combat insensitivity and stigmatization.
CONCEPT AND STRUCTURE
"Our Waiting Years" explores the multifaceted journey of infertility, particularly in the context of Nigerian society. It delves into the emotional turmoil, societal pressures, and misconceptions surrounding infertility while offering hope and encouragement to couples facing similar challenges.
Themes
The memoir focuses on several key themes: Infertility and its impact: highlighting the emotional and psychological toll of infertility on couples.
Stigmatisation and Insensitivity: Addressing societal stigma and the often hurtful comments from well-meaning personal experiences of coping mechanisms, finding support, and maintaining hope amidst adversity.
Structure
The book is structured into five chapters, each offering a distinct perspective:
Chapter One: Roots and Beginnings: Exploring my upbringing and early life experiences, laying the foundation for understanding and early life experiences, laying the foundation for understanding the cultural context of infertility in Nigeria. It is imperative because people tend to look at couples who are battling infertility as those who have tons of skeletons in their cupboards. Infertility is seen as a kind of payback from God for all the abortions committed in the past.
Chapter Two: Love and Marriage: Chronicles the early days of my relationship with my husband, our dreams of starting a family, and the initial challenges we faced. This is aimed at connecting us to the readers.
Chapter three: The Waiting Years: This is the heart of the memoir, detailing our prolonged struggle with infertility. This chapter challenges misconceptions about infertility being mainly caused by spiritual issues and highlights the emotional resilience required to navigate societal pressure. People who are struggling with infertility are usually an easy target for fake pastors and imams. The couples are easily defrauded because of the belief that most cases of infertility are spiritual problems.
Chapter Four: Seeking Solutions: Discusses various medical and non-medical approaches to infertility treatment, shedding light on available resources and avenues for couples seeking help. Many couples suffer because they are oblivious to what is causing their infertility and so, cannot get a solution. The book would highlight some of the causes and possible solutions.
Chapter Five: Voices of Hope: Featuring testimonials from other couples so many couples who have traversed the path of infertility, offering solidarity and inspiration to readers facing similar challenges. The book aims at giving the readers the courage to face their struggles. Many couples see the topic of infertility as a landmine.
MARKET AND AUDIENCE
According to WHO, around 17.5% of the adult population— roughly 1 in 6 couples worldwide experience infertility.
Infertility has been described as the most important reproductive health concern of Nigerian women. Estimations from demographic health surveys found an 11 % prevalence rate, while clinical-based studies suggested rates between 14.5 % and 30 % (Dattijo et al., 2016, Omoaregba et al., 2011, Panti and Sununu, 2014).
The target readers are couples who are struggling with infertility globally, especially in Nigeria, where couples are being stigmatized for their inability to conceive within a particular period. The truth about infertility is that it is only people who have experienced it who can write truthfully about it. It is not something that one would just imagine and assume that they know how it feels. People who have gone through it are usually comforted when they find couples that are wearing the same shoes as theirs and are willing to share their stories.
After several years of my struggles with infertility, I needed to read a book about it, but could hardly lay my hands on memoirs about the topic. I found many books on dieting and medication, but hardly a memoir. That was when I birthed the thought of writing my story for women/couples like me to read.
The memoir will encourage couples like us. Many marriages have been sacrificed on the altar of infertility. But the waiting period can also have a possible impact on a marriage. A couple can use the time to bond and beatify their marriage before the kids start coming.
WRITING STYLE AND VOICE
The memoir adopts a first-person narrative, providing an intimate and authentic portrayal of my personal journey, Written in a descriptive and narrative style, the book aims to evoke empathy and connection with readers, inviting them into the emotional landscape of infertility.
SCHEDULE AND TOOL FOR WRITING
I planned to write at least 500 to 700 words daily between 7 pm to 9 pm using Microsoft Word. In my little study at home. I work between 8 am to 5 pm, Mondays to Fridays. I planned to write after I had returned from work and finished my chores.
The memoir is targeted at 80,000 to 100,000 words, which I intend to finish the first draft within six months, while trying to balance work responsibilities with the creative process.
PUBLISHING, MARKETING AND PROMOTION
I am opting for self-publishing. It allows for greater autonomy in sharing our story directly with the target audience. Leveraging social media platforms such as Facebook, and LinkedIn, alongside engagement in fertility support groups, will facilitate direct outreach to those seeking support and information.
Also leveraging Amazon Kindle Direct Publishing (KDP)for global distribution, ensuring accessibility to readers worldwide.
I intend to also organize webinars and online conferences for waiting couples where I would talk about the book and sell it to them.
CONCLUSION
"Our Waiting Years" is more than a memoir. I am excited about this project because it is a topic that many people are embarrassed to talk about. I want to write about it so I would encourage couples who are wearing similar shoes to know that they are not alone and that so many people are going through the same struggles as them.
I also want to educate the public to know that infertility is part of life and it is already a burden on the couple so, no one should add to the couple’s burden by being insensitive to their plight. People should also stop stigmatizing couples who are waiting.
“Our Waiting Years” aims to inspire dialogue, reduce stigma and empower couples to embrace their journey towards parenthood with courage and hope.
Reference
1. https://www.who.int/news/item/04-04-2023-1-in-6-people-globally-affected-by-infertility#:~:text=Around%2017.5%25%20of%20the%20adult,care%20for%20those%20in%20need.
https://www.google.com/search?q=infertility+in+nigeria&rlz=1C1JJTC_enNG1004NG1004&oq=
2. Infertility+in+Nig&aqs=chrome.1.69i57j0i512l2j0i22i30j0i15i22i30j0i22i30l5.12106j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8
