TW: SUICIDE AND SELF HARM

Today, I am looking back at everything and saying, “damn, look how far I’ve come.” God knows I’m still trudging, struggling, and screaming. But the screams are less severe. Yes, I am still struggling with depression, anxiety, self harm, self hatred, doubt, and…

I must admit, I cannot commit to long-term things. And I think it’s because I’m scared. I keep saying I’ll get my license, and that I’ll go college. I keep saying I’m going to stop self harming, that I’m going to have better blood sugars, and I am going to get my life together. But I can’t. I can’t because I’m terrified that I am going to fail.

I feel like I am immortal.

I know that I’m not,

But I feel like I am.

Not because I think I’m better,

Not because I believe I’m different.

I think I’m immortal because I’m strong.

I am eighteen years old, and I just graduated high school. I have nothing figured out, and chase the directions I wanna go, but the end keeps moving further and further away. Until I’m out of breath and start going in a different direction. When the same thing happens again, and again, I begin to lose hope.

Being a type one diabetic makes everything harder. Even going to bed at night, eating, and especially, traveling. When you are a diabetic, you need to make sure you have a good blood sugar, enough insulin, test strips, backup supplies, and sugar in case you run low during the day. With traveling, the stress is doubled because you don’t know what will…