I miss you self

I am sorry I haven’t spoken to you in a while. I am sorry I hurt you and ignored you. I wish I hadn’t seen T and let him hurt me again. The truth is that I sometimes feel lonely. Even if I am with you, I still feel the need of one other human being. I want you to be happy, I want you to feel complete. I don’t know what to do sometimes. Should I surrender to whatever happens? I am tired sometimes. Why do I always have to be in control. I need to believe in myself more, I want to enjoy my company more. I want to be my honest self more. I miss you.