a new perspective — inviting in.
We all have heard the metaphor “coming out”. For those within the LGBTQ+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, +) community, it hits closer to home. Most would say coming out is the pinnacle of our experience. The brave process of slightly opening the door to self-awareness and liberation; however, this approach does so in a way which is more other-centered than person-centered. Let’s dive in.
Coming Out
For history most people in society have made it their business to label LGBTQ+ existences as inauthentic, unnatural, and lacking in normalcy. In result of this, most members within the community chose or were forced to conceal their sexual and/or gender identity, hence being in the repressive space, “the closet”. Others chose to “come out” by embracing their sexual and/or gender identity. In this process, LGBTQ+ identities are reified. From then coming out was known as the metaphor which came to reality, language made real. A process that is celebrated for its potential for liberation, while undoing sexual repression and oppression.
In today’s society, this paradigm forces people to have that experience in a number of different situations and even ages. Whether in the workplace setting, or with friendships and family. Therefore, with this approach, coming out is definitely not a singular act, but rather a constant one. Each new person you meet, every new hand you shake here comes the coming-out stressor again, but must we always ask for permission to just be? To feel validated as a human being? Must we always define ourselves over and over against a heteronormative and heterosexist representation and imaginary? With coming out, we give others the opportunity to reject our visibility, as if it’s their choice. This was something that most of my close friends, and even myself battled with. I began to question the metaphor coming out, I believed that there has to be another approach. An approach that is focused more on the person than others, hence inviting in.
Inviting In
Recently, I attended the HRC HBCU Leadership Summit in Atlanta where I met Ryan Jamaal Swain, who portrays Damon Richards in the FX television series POSE. He spoke about redefining what it means to come out. That inviting in centers on our choice as individuals to invite those we desire to enter our life. Since then, I was arrested by this new perspective. I also read an interview with Karamo Brown, a star of Queer Eye on Netflix, on NowThis. He offered his unique perspective on coming out and why he feels it might be time to rethink the term coming out entirely. He stated, “For me, coming out gives the power to the other person to accept or deny you. When you’re inviting them in, you have the power.” This blew my mind, I became more aware of the power of language. I think that it is vital to highlight the act and power of invitation as well. This unique outlook could be helpful to those who might be in fear of revealing their truth. This new lens on liberation and expression must be taught to and shared with the LGBTQ+ community, specifically our youth. By inviting in, you have the choice to disclose with whomever. You grant yourself that power back, that no one else can take away from you.
Some of you may argue that modifying language by using inviting in than coming out is pointless, but I believe that it is important to unpack the terms that order our lives and represent us. I challenge my readers (whether you identify within the LGBTQ+ community or identify as an ally or advocate) to start refusing these paradigms, metaphors such as “coming out” and “the closet,” which order and constrict the ways in which we self-represent. By changing the words we use, we create new paradigms and offer those who’ll come after us an alternate approach. I would love to hear feedback from my readers. What do you think about this new perspective? Which one would you prefer? Feel free to let me know!
To conclude this blog post, I wanted to leave words of encouragement for readers who are currently on this journey or are afraid or unsure whether to invite others in. Do not feel rushed or pressured. Inviting those into your life is a very brave thing to do, and it’s extremely personal and different for everyone but remember it is your choice. Choosing to live openly and authentically is definitely a journey worth taking. Every experience is unique and must be navigated in the way most comfortable for YOU. There is no one right way.
