understanding & overcoming fear.
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself” — Franklin D. Roosevelt
I never fully understood this quote until it applied to my life. Fear is the driving factor which keeps us stalled and stops the progression of moving forward. Many of us struggle with this inner battle every day. We are paralyzed by the fear of either starting or starting over and we don’t believe in ourselves or our potential.
Recently, specifically last year, I reached a point in my life where I felt as if I lost control. I was in a state of stagnancy and comfortability; constant day-to-day procrastination and self-doubt. I wanted to highlight “comfortability” because it’s very important to understand that sometimes comfort can be dangerous.
Some of you are probably like ”DANGEROUS”? To clarify, yes I do believe that we all should be able to enjoy the comforts that life may afford us. The danger is the desire to be comfortable that we may settle in complacency; which can halt our personal development.
Originally this blog post was going to cover the importance of taking control of your life and starting over when necessary; but I felt as if I should first address and discuss the reasons why we are afraid to start over. So I’ve decided that I’m going to break this blog into a two (2) part series. Part 1 will cover common fears and how to overcome them. Part 2 will transition into the steps of taking action. Let’s dive a little deeper into some common day-to-day fears; the fear of the Unknown, Stepping outside the Box, Rejection, and Failure.
Fear of: the Unknown *inserts spooky noises*
The fear of the Unknown is called xenophobia. Basically the fear of anything that is beyond our comfort zones. It is very common to fear starting something especially when you can’t foresee the outcome or when you are not sure of the risk(s). Usually it’s easier to stay in our daily routine because we know exactly what to expect day in and day out. (Word of Advice: Challenge yourself to act on curiosity and embrace the unknown. You will never be 100% ready for anything, and if you wait until you are ready you will be waiting for the rest of your life)
Fear of: Stepping Outside the Bowl (get it?)
Stepping outside the box in life doesn’t always involve something major like changing careers, moving to a new place, or starting a business (although it could). It can be as simple as being willing to do, say or act in a way that is new, different and vulnerable. It’s understandable to fear the possibility of being ridiculed by putting yourself out there. I came to learn that the world is full of people who are too scared to take action in their own lives; so they feed off making others feel incapable of achieving their own goals and dreams. (Word of Advice: The trick is that as long as you know who you are and what makes you happy it does not matter what others think. When we choose to push past our perceived limits and go for what we want in life we always grow and learn, regardless of the outcome)
Fear of: Rejection
I would agree that the fear of rejection may be one of our deepest human fears. Feeling rejected hurts, whether it is from family, friends, etc. Trust me, I had my many share of experiences. When we experience rejection it hits us right in the heart. Biologically, as humans we are wired with a longing to belong. When we experience rejection it may confirm other fears that we may have such as believing that we are unlovable, or that we have little worth or value, or even that we are destined to be alone. However, rejection also has a way of teaching us. (Word of Advice: Life is what we make it and how we perceive it. We can’t always control what happens externally, but we can control our reactions to it. So from now on think of rejection as a redirection)
Fear of: Failure
No one wants to fail! Especially in a society that values success. However, making mistakes is a necessary part of experimenting and learning. Your fear of failure can get you stuck rather than help you grow. Through the years, I have learned to turn failure into success. How? I embraced my vulnerability, I acknowledged that I am a human. I remember back then when I was soo ashamed and I hid my failures in efforts of making others believe that I was this “perfect” image. I then learned that not only was I fooling others, but I was also fooling myself. Now I choose every moment to highlight my failures and share my experiences to encourage and inspire others. (Word of Advice: Reframe your mistakes as learning experiences. Instead of resisting them, ask yourself “What is this teaching me?” and “How can I grow as a person from this experience?”)
(Word of Advice: Overcoming any fear of course takes patience, hard work, and dedication. The journey will not be easy because most habitual patterns of behavior require consistent work and effort to change, but in the end, it will all be worthwhile)
