Feng White
Aug 28, 2017 · 1 min read

What hurts me most are the IFs.
Had I done this, if I had done that, and then the endless possibilities. I don’t see the hurt, the nastiness, the smell and unshaven legs (yet).

What I missed is nothing but light and perfection, of course.

But it’s all my fault, it (I should say “she”, really) was there and I let it (“her!”) slip away, for the 100th time. It’s like chasing a mirage, and I just can’t help myself, and I am doomed, for the rest of my life.

Thankfully I have gotten better, I have learned to say “it’s not my fault” and have noticed and learned about the tricks and illusions of perspective and first impressions.

And most of all, I stay away when I see it coming.

And well, I just grew old and dull.

But the pain is still there. And, once an a while, I meet a beautiful stranger on a train, and again, I spend an afternoon full of regret and pain.

Was I almost good enough?

I guess I almost loved you.

)