You have to start somewhere

Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open? ~ Rumi

I realize I have been waiting most of my adult life for the solution to go from zero to hero in a second. I am now 35 and it has been over a decade of waiting and daydreaming. It seems the miracle solution is not exactly around the corner. Or I really suck at looking for it.

When I say go from zero, I am not technically at zero. I have built a professional life, some would say I have done well for myself and, by many standards, I have. But it is nothing extraordinary, to me. No, I am not harsh on myself. What would be extraordinary to me is, in the morning, to jump out of bed because I can’t wait to go out and do what I love. I love when my eyes are creasing from too much light. I love yoga. I love watching my 1 year old son grow. I love helping someone for no reason at all and exchange that knowing look. I love laughing with my husband. I love I when learn something new and it all suddenly clicks. I love seeing the world. I love writing. Does this sound idealistic? Probably. So what?

Don’t get me wrong. I am very grateful for the educational and professional paths I had so far. But I have not chosen them because I love them. I chose them because it was the right thing to do: go to university, get a master, land a nice job, get promoted, found a company, all in very serious, capitalist matters of course. This is what I have been taught to do from early childhood and any questioning of it was not exactly welcome at home. I can’t blame my parents. they taught me what they knew, and they did their best. I am the only one who can break the circle and set free.

And today, I set free. With a small step. Today is the day I start writing. For myself. Maybe tomorrow’s step will be bigger, maybe not. But I am starting today. I am starting somewhere.

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