So, you don’t want better hospitals. Do you even illness, bro?

Richard Chirgwin
Jan 5, 2018 · 3 min read

The Sydney Morning Herald persistently — and depressingly to me, since there’s a fair bit of Fairfax in my family one way or the other — demonstrates why it’s collapsing: it hates its readers.

Today’s example: “So you don’t want brand new stadiums? Do you even sport, bro?” by Andrew Webster.

I’ll skip the sneering, shaming tone for a moment, because there are important issues about the stadium plans, which aren’t even remotely addressed by self-indulgent purple prose like this:

Allianz Stadium looks like she headed out on the town on Christmas Eve and has only just stumbled through the door asking, “What day is it?”

(Oh, bonus points for the sexism there, a drunken woman exemplifies the stadium. Here’s a whole red pill full of applause.)

After another dip into the purple, Webster finally goes somewhere (not without insulting naysayers again). Addressing complaints about the cost, he writes:

If we follow that logic, we can forget about the $1.5 billion relocation of the Powerhouse Museum to Parramatta, the $344 million Sydney Modern extension of the art gallery and the $200 million refurb of the Sydney Opera House.”

It’s worth mentioning, at this point, that the Powerhouse relocation is bitterly opposed as an on-the-nose gift to property developers, and the art gallery extension is at best a debatable piece of architecture. Only the Opera House refurb, the cheapest of the three, has had a moderately quiet life.

And through all of this, Webster fails to explain why immensely rich sports can’t function without massive subsidy from the government.

So much for substance.

If Fairfax wants an example of why “mainstream media” is in a state of collapse, instead of blaming the Internet, it could look at Andrew Webster sneering at readers.

“Do you even sport, bro?” Fuck me, who thought that line was a good idea.

Do you watch sport? Do you attend these stadiums? Do you sit with the punters in general admission?”

Bro, most people in NSW don’t. They do use the health system — all of them, more or less — and more use schools than roll into dickhead domes to listen to the PLEASE SHUT THEM UP MAKE IT STOP Barmy Army.

We don’t deserve to be sneered at because our priorities aren’t your priorities.

Do you wait 20 minutes in a food or beer line at Allianz”

Andrew, what if we don’t give a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut about your convenience? What if your frustration merely provides us with a reason to enjoy the salty tears of a deeply entitled sports journalist who doesn’t even understand that the catering contractor is the reason you get crap service not the bloody stadium?

I’ll bet that when he’s queued his manbaby resentment all the way to the bar again, he doesn’t sympathise with staff who are underpaid to deliver overpriced chicken nuggets and chips, and left to explain to drunken hoons that they don’t have discretion over Responsible Service of Alcohol (nor over whether or not the venue has enough beer downstairs).

Webster’s complaint that bathrooms reek has less to do with the age of the stadium than the pissedness of the punters: as a killer argument, bro, it’s dead.

I don’t know the ins and outs of the stadium argument, but out here where people vote — dude, do you even democracy? — it looks corrupt.

Not the old, crude, Joh-like Holden-full-of-used-once-notes kind, nor even necessarily the “money changed hands kind” at all. No, it’s kind of corruption in which a bunch of perennial insiders somehow manage to cut the last fresh bits off the maggoty corpse of politics while the rest of us can eat shit.

Your own detumescent organ, the Sydney Morning Herald, has documented the hospital possums — Ku-ring-ai and Concord — but you seem to be a member of Journalists Sans Googles. You haven’t noticed that the same government you kind-of-laud destroyed Anzac Parade for a pet project, its WestConnex quacks like a stupid idea, its surplus flows from the stamp duty of generational oppression and the sale of public assets for private profit?

Dude, do you even newspaper?

You don’t even draw obvious conclusions from things you know about: we got ANZ Stadium solely for the Olympics, a testament to the corrupt cabal of the five-ringed octopus, and we now need to rebuild it because it was essentially useless its whole life. And we’re supposed to like this?

You don’t realise people were angry about all this before the stadium project was announced?

People are angry about this, and it’s their right to be. Dude, do you even democracy?

Richard Chirgwin

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Tech journalist at The Register, writing about things that aren’t related to my work