my motivation


When I say my enemies benefit me more than my friends, I mean it! Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends, the few that I have. But the way that I am wired, where I gain my drive; is from hate, negativity.

I didn’t even realize it, really, until I looked back. Connecting the dots.

My first ever relationship, I was cheated on. I was also really young and dumb, but there’s no excuse for cheating, in my book. After he told me he wanted to be with his ex; I didn’t yell, I didn’t cry, in fact my first thought? My next step. How do I get TF out of here, asap. I told him it was ok, I was at peace with it, and honestly I was. I started making plans for my “comeback.” 😂

I flew out of there within a week I and moved back in with my parents, I know, such a proud moment! After working in retail for a month, I decided I wanted something more than a college drop out who got cheated on and never aspired to do anything.

My next step? Join the navy? I actually considered it! I walked into the office, and the guys were fat with their feet up on the desks, “never mind,” I said as I walked out of the office. OF COURSE the Marine rep was standing outside smiling when I walked out, “seriously?” He grinned. Yup, that worked, I walked into his office and signed up for Motor T.

Fast forward to LCpl Brand in Okinawa, this dude was on my tail for about a year until we ended up in the same unit, then we started talking. Still to this day I remember leaving my other unit and my Sgt say, “don’t fucking get pregnant, brand!” Yea, why’d he have to say that? I always go against what people say! Well, engaged and pregnant was not the goal for that LCpl but life happens, connect the dots.

Flash forward to “soon to be divorced LCpl. Brand.” Yup, that marriage was a sham, can you say, “he did it for the BAH?” Yes, guys do it too, ladies 😂 As soon as I let him go, I started hitting the gym, taking care of myself, so I could take care of my daughter. This is how I’m fueled, adversity!I was also motivated by showing my daughter, that a broken heart doesn’t have to break you. This was when I realized that positive shit doesn’t push me like negativity, like someone giving up on you or telling you, you’ll be nothing.

I use it, it lights a fire under my ass and fuels me. I want to prove to myself first that they are wrong and secondly show them they chose the wrong one!

Everyone has their own way that motivates them, for some; it’s a status, a certain amount of wealth. Everyone has their something that makes them push harder if at all, and I realized my push comes from negativity. The way I am wired those who doubt and hate always create a spark that sets me on fire to push me harder.