Here’s what you do….

You take the air horn and you blow it outside the room. Make sure it’s some time before 8AM but after you’ve had your first cup of coffee. Then run!! Run like the wind… as fast as your cardio-challenged middle aged heart will let you. Your teen may or may not awaken.. but if they do, get ready. Throw that airhorn into the back yard, grab a couch cushion and sip your coffee innocently. The nice thing about your teen is their bleary-eyed confusion in the morning, which renders you blameless or at least incomprehensible.

There will be squinting and staggering, maybe even a croaking “what the [BLEEP] was that, Mom?” Shrug your shoulders and start looking at Facebook. Believe me, they’ll drop it, overcome as they’ll be with the need to forage for food, and search for (hopefully) clean clothes for school.

This is what you do to get them out of bed on school days simultaneously channelling and relieving a small portion of your built-up resentment.

Up next: Hygiene How-Tos

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