Winning at September!

My big plans to kick ass at this whole going back to school thing.

August. It’s a month long Sunday night. Every day is one more day closer to the first day of school. I love my job. I love being a teacher. But I’m not insane. Summer is rad.

Summer is when I go to the bathroom whenever I want. Talk about finishing my novel. Think about cleaning my house, and stay in my pjs till noon. I let the kids skip brushing their teeth. (You can’t get cavities in the summer. Duh.) We spend millions of dollars at Starbucks. There’s sand in my hair. It’s summer!

But in a matter of days, going to the pool will no longer count as taking a shower. I will need to squeeze into pants with zippers and once again mold the future leaders of this great nation. Perhaps I can mold them while wearing leggings.

I spend the last few days of having no routine panicking about commencing the perfect routine. One that will make me a gold medal mom, wife, and professional. Watch out Pinterest! Here is the start of my list of things I will probably never do:

1. Cook five delicious, healthy, organic, meals every Sunday. Sprinkle with unicorn dust and freeze to eat throughout the week.

2. Wake up at 5:30am to get in a few miles on the treadmill while listening to NPR or parenting podcasts.

3. Save a few minutes of my lunch break for meditation.

4. Drink eight gallons of water a day.

5. Have date nights with my husband at least once a week. Make our relationship separate from being parents a priority.

6. Following up with number five, keep our bedroom space private. A sensual, grown up retreat.

7. Girls night! Plan fun outings with friends bi-weekly nurturing those bonds and providing some me time.

8. Arrive five minutes early to every meeting. If you’re not early your late!

9. Leave work on time and take the kids to the park before dinner.

10. Make bath time part of bed time routine and lights out at 8:00pm.

And here is what life will really look like:

1. Have frozen pizza for dinner three nights a week. It’s not delivery it’s Dijorno!

2. Maybe purchase a treadmill that will be used as a drying rack in the corner of the basement. Hit snooze until I have seven minutes to leave the house.

3. Teachers get lunch breaks?

4. Drink eight Diet Cokes a day.

5. That’s hilarious.

6. Sensual? Gross. See how many human beings can fit in one queen sized bed.

7. Break plans with girlfriends via text because the baby is sick or I just want to sit on the couch in sweat pants.

8. Arrive five minutes late to every meeting and need to borrow a pen.

9. Show up one minute before day care closes and take the kids home to watch tv.

10. Remember to bathe children 1.5 times a week and tell myself it’s so their skin won’t dry out. Lights out (fingers crossed) by 10pm.

Sigh. June is just around the corner.