Forever in my heart

After a brief and unexpected illness, my Papa passed away peacefully on Monday afternoon. Almost the whole family was already up in Massachusetts days before for Grammy’s birthday, and as some of my uncles best put it, we think he timed it all for us to be together and so Grammy wouldn’t be alone. “This was who he was, always making sure we were okay.”
All week, I have been trying to piece together what to say or how to best honor his memory while also coping with my family’s great loss. While I feel like there are just so many things to note about him, there are also few words that just do not do justice to the man he was. I hope I can convey what he meant to me in this short post.
I am extremely grateful for the time I’ve shared with Papa. My brother and I grew up living only 30 minutes away from our grandparents. During our early youth, weekdays were often spent at 8 Madonna Street while Mom and Dad worked. Those “Grammy & Papa days” continued into the weekends as we grew up. Sports games, band concerts, birthday parties, or random Tuesday night cookouts during the summer — Grammy and Papa were the first ones there and last ones to leave. When it came to the two of them, you just couldn’t associate one without the other. They were (and still are) the perfect team and an incredible example of love.
At Shiva on Friday, I had the honor of assisting my hometown Rabbi in leading the afternoon minyan. I’ve led several services at Hillel and at Camp Airy, but don’t often think of myself as too religious or am focusing on creating meaningful experiences for others. I didn’t realize how much I needed my Judaism until this moment. So I put my whole heart into this service and hopefully made both my grandparents proud again.
When it came time to say goodbye, Michael, Grammy, and I sat by Papa’s side in the hospital. With his right hand in mine and his left in Michael’s, we sat for several moments in sadness, heartbreak, and anxiousness. Battling tears, we recited the Shema in hopes to find some comfort in this crucial and heart wrenching period of time. But in alignment with these feelings, I also felt a strange sense of calmness as Grammy comforted us. She said it was okay to cry and that Papa was so proud of the young adults we’ve become. She assured us we are all going to be okay because we have each other.
The relationship you have with your grandparents is unique, and the relationship my cousins and I had with Papa was truly exceptional. No matter how often or not you saw him, he made you feel like the most special and important person in the world. As our oldest cousin Emily best put it at his funeral, some words to describe him are “steadfast, honest, strong-willed, warm, kind…” the list could go on for miles.
Thank you Papa, for showing me how to live everyday life with more intention, love, understanding, honesty, and of course, humor. I love and miss you, and you are forever in my heart.

