First off: I recognize that you are titling this with a sense of humor and sarcasm.
I’m a mobile engineer and boy does it crush my heart when “we don’t have time” to “put polish” on a product — as if polish weren’t part of making a product people will pay for. We have deadlines, and part of those deadlines must be to complete designs by our UX team — because we have the data that shows people won’t understand how to use our product without those little flourishes. It is those design flourishes that often annihilate our user’s fear of new technology, or exploring new features we develop and want them to *spend their hard earned free time* using.
It is the beauty in everyday things which allows us to instantly understand the function of those things. So, good design is functional. It’s non negotiable. Uniqueness and the ability to stand out inspires curious people to start using or remain loyal to our products. There’s monetary value in that to be capitalized on.
I don’t think any UX developer would really think function doesn’t matter. Engineering is the materialization of good UX design and good code. I have heard developers say “it doesn’t matter if it looks good, we’re just making something people can use and we have deadlines.” So heartbreaking.
Thanks for writing this.