Why I finally feel good enough
How it took a pandemic for me to realise what truly matters in life
For a very long time, I have had a voice in my head, telling me I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t doing enough, I wasn’t being enough, I just wasn’t enough.
I spent 5 years in therapy trying to lose that voice. I changed myself fully, I changed every relationship in my life, including most importantly, the one I had with myself. For the first time, I began loving myself and treating myself with care, something I had failed to do before. I changed my outer reality and my life. I shed a whole skin and emerged a new person. But I couldn’t lose that voice.
It came quietly. While I scrolled my Instagram feed, on nights out with friends, walking into the family home I grew up in. That voice came running. I tried to jog the voice away, to work the voice away. Nothing helped. Not the money I earned, the people I made laugh, the jobs I booked, the holidays bought, the trips and experiences had nothing got rid of that fucking voice.
And all it took was a pandemic.
I don’t know if it is the fact that I haven’t been around my father and heard his voice which sounds freakishly familiar to my own or the fact that I have been forced to go on welfare and all my goals for the year including buying a…
