The Best Worst Thing Ever
These days, it’s quite common for people to struggle with sleep — whether it’s too much or too little. I find myself a victim of both worlds.
I suspect my sleep issues come from the stress of work and life, combined with my tendency to overthink and overanalyze everything. On the flip side, my attention to detail and ability to read between the lines are strengths. Often, I already know what’s going on before it’s even explained to me.
However, whether I admit certain realities depends on my mood. I can be stubborn and in denial, leading to a distorted view of my world at times.
But hey, that’s self-awareness for you.
BUT MATT, WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY HERE? PLEASE STOP YAPPING AND GET TO THE POINT
So, what’s the point, you ask? Sorry if I got carried away there. I haven’t been writing for a while, and I guess I got a bit excited…
YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT BIPOLAR, MATT?
To get back on track: I have bipolar disorder. While some might see it as an issue or burden, I view it as a fine line between a blessing and a curse. It brings intense creativity and also periods of isolation and withdrawal from social interactions.
It’s either one extreme or the other, with no middle ground. Oddly enough, I find some enjoyment in this rollercoaster. And yes, I’m a bit eccentric — though I prefer to call it “unique.”
I JUST CAN’T SLEEP AGAIN
Before you say anything, no, I don’t think my inability to stay asleep is necessarily a bad thing. I might have phrased it poorly. I can still fall asleep, but I only get about 5–6 hours before waking up. What’s odd is that after waking up, I don’t feel tired at all — in fact, I feel surprisingly refreshed.
I went to see my psychiatrist for a monthly follow-up appointment the other day. I discussed what had happened over the past month, how I felt, and what I had been doing. He later told me that I was in a state called ‘hypomania.’*
*According to ChatGPT, Hypomania (n.) is a mood state characterized by elevated, expansive, or irritable mood that is less severe than full-blown mania. It often includes symptoms like increased energy, reduced need for sleep, racing thoughts, and impulsive behavior. Hypomania is commonly associated with bipolar disorder, specifically Bipolar II disorder, where it alternates with periods of depression.
For those unfamiliar with bipolar disorder and its terminology, I hope the explanation provided by ChatGPT helps clarify things for you.
If I had to define hypomania in simple terms, I’d say it’s a state where you feel slightly better than usual. Your thoughts race, you feel a bit happier, you’re more productive, and your anxiety might worsen. Overall, it can feel quite exhilarating. However, it’s often followed by a period of depression after a few weeks or months.
DON’T FORGET YOUR UMBRELLA
I’m not always the best at adhering to my medication regimen, and I have my reasons for this, though they might not be entirely justifiable. I often skip my meds because I want to spend my time on activities I enjoy.
For instance, if I take my medication at 10:00 PM, I might fall asleep by 10:30 PM, which means my day ends then. I don’t want that to happen. After spending a significant part of my day at work, I look forward to unwinding with my cats, playing video games, or watching YouTube videos to balance out the workday.
I realized that not taking my medication regularly wasn’t helpful, so I’ve started taking it daily again.
So far, it’s worked wonders. Life has become more enjoyable; I can now appreciate simple things like walking in the rain, thanks to having an umbrella. I’ve rediscovered my passions, such as writing, which is why I’m creating this article. I can sense a part of me emerging, eager to embrace life again.
Please don’t stop taking your medication on your own; even if it doesn’t stop the rain, it serves as an umbrella against the wind and helps you weather the storm.
The world is filled with colour once more
TODAY YOU, TOMORROW ME
I came across this saying on Reddit, “today you, tomorrow me”, and it’s been my life motto ever since.
I help you today, you help me tomorrow. I know the world can be harsh — it has been for me as well. But I want to remind you that there are still many good things out there. I understand that hearing ‘things will get better’ might feel empty because it can seem unlikely, but I genuinely believe they will improve. And if they don’t, remember that you have me.
Talk to you later.
Much love, and take a good care of yourself,
Matt.
:)
