10 Weeks…
A couple months ago, I was approached by a stranger asking for an interview. I hesitantly agreed. Seeing my full belly, he prompted me to describe my dream for my unborn child. I had not thought it through before, but answered the best I could. What I said was heartfelt, but in some ways it felt like it followed conventional thoughts more than my own.
Walking away, I felt challenged. I should think more, and put these thoughts to words I could share. Not just to have my opinion heard, but for myself as well.
So here I am, somewhere around 10 weeks before my son is due to arrive. 10 is such a great number. Perfect for a self motivated challenge… so why not? Let’s do this. I’ll check in when I can within the next 10 weeks, with the goal of a post a week. I put down my thoughts, my concerns, my dreams revolving around this pregnancy and beyond.
My life obviously has more in it than just baby, so those things will pop up here as well. I’m taking a director’s film class, where I will be making a short film over the next couple months. My husband and I bought a new house about a month ago, while starting to rent out our old one. I recently attended a prayer workshop through a local church and felt challenged to incorporate a few new habits into my lifestyle. Also, I’m an artist and a lover of nature things — colorful things tend to happen.
I’m not much of a one for waiting so here goes. I don’t expect all of my thoughts to convey well or make sense, they may tumble out some days. I am at peace with that. Life is a process and I’m looking forward to whatever exploration of thought these next 10 weeks.
There is something I struggle with on a daily basis, and that is home upkeep/organization. I would not say that I am comparing myself too much, but I do feel a creepy crawly feeling when I enter some friends homes. The ones that get me the most are the ones that have maybe one piece of mail on the counter, a mug in the sink, and a throw pillow out of place. The owner quickly apologizes for the state of the house, calling it messy. I stand there for a second and think “if only I could get my home looking this good.”
Some days I pour through pictures on Instagram and Pinterest, enthralled by the different ideas and beautiful spaces enclosed. Then I look up. This is often what I see.
This is an average day, not even a bad one. It frustrates me, and I can’t help but think of what throwing a baby into this mess will look like. I don’t think of myself as a very lazy person, but any kind of cleaning tends to wipe me out. Of course, these feelings of despair are not every day.
There are days that I come to terms with it all. I tell myself, “I am in process. I am learning. I do not have very nice things for multiple reasons, one of them being my husband and I sacrifice some of our own income to support those in ministry and overseas.” We have had the huge privilege of helping friends bring their adopted babies home, and others with medical expenses. I exclaimed to my husband last night that I would sacrifice a thousand beautiful couches for the chance to support and love others! Even with that happy thought, it’s a struggle.
Want to celebrate a little victory with me? This is my kitchen today.
No, it’s still not Pinterest or even Instagram worthy, but it is clean! A team effort between my husband and I, and a bit of a later bedtime, but it is done. Will it be this nice tomorrow? Probably not. I’m making chili tonight.
Well if you read this, thanks for attending my rambling. Maybe in my next post I’ll talk about fun pregnancy things, like cravings and the new crib we’re putting together tonight. Have a wonderful week.
