Anxiety

One.Two.Three.Four.Five.

Five.Four.Three.Two.One

I repeat this sequence in a low whisper

I remind myself to breathe

My hands trembling beneath my sheets

I remind myself that I’ve been here before

The room grows colder

Or is it just me

My teeth are chattering

And there are tears in my eyes

I pray that it’s over soon

My mind, swirling with memories of my mistakes

It’s so quiet in this room

But so loud upstairs

One.two.three.four.five

Breathe

Five.four.three.two.one

My stomach is doing somersaults

I can feel the aching in my soul

There’s a heaviness that envelops me

I do this dance for what feels like an eternity

I’m grateful when it’s over

I tell myself next time I’ll be more in control

But then next time comes, and we’re dancing again