I repeat this sequence in a low whisper

I remind myself to breathe

My hands trembling beneath my sheets

I remind myself that I’ve been here before

The room grows colder

Or is it just me

My teeth are chattering

And there are tears in my eyes

I pray that it’s over soon

My mind, swirling with memories of my mistakes

It’s so quiet in this room

But so loud upstairs



My stomach is doing somersaults

I can feel the aching in my soul

There’s a heaviness that envelops me

I do this dance for what feels like an eternity

I’m grateful when it’s over

I tell myself next time I’ll be more in control

But then next time comes, and we’re dancing again