Americans Believe Water Towers Should Be Filled With Orange Juice, Instead.
#orangejuiceFTW #downwithwater #journalism
The results are in! Instead of water, most Americans are just desperate for orange juice in their towers.
“Why do we need big towers of water?” said Maryanne Anderson, someone who lives in a town with a big tower of water in the area, vicinity, and perimeter. “Plus, how much water is in there? Like, enough to fill a baby pool? A community pool? Oh my god, Busch Stadium?”
Other people agree.
“If the apocalypse happens,” began Tom Devins, but we stopped him there because that lead-in is incredibly annoying.
“I think liquids in general could taste better…” offered Seamus Tooey Jr. who seemed to be missing the point entirely. “Except, maybe…hot chocolate. Hey, what’s kombucha, anyway?”
“What?” asked Deja Dinklage, pointing at the microphone and requesting to remain anonymous.
There’s no beating around the bush, folks! The majority of people who live in towns are livid that their water towers hold water — yick! — instead of something pulpy, sweet, tangy and part of a complete healthy breakfast, such as orange juice! All hail the Great Orange! And if the apocalypse does happen, orange juice will be way harder than water to come by; we’ll be kicking ourselves if we don’t put it in the reserves!
To aid the effort, you can send cartons of Tropicano to 133 N. Saugatauk Island, Big Town, Rhode Island 35640, or print out our Down With Water (Towers)/Up With Orange (Towers) signs from email@example.com. Thank you! The people are forever grateful!