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Undergrad making me feel under the weather

Does anyone else question their choice of program, choice of school?

I do.

Every academic decision I make is never without constant thought and sometimes, constant regret. There is so much pressure to do well, make the right decisions and please those who count on you. Ironic isn’t it? University is supposed to be a place to learn and do your best but how can you even do well if academic pressure weighs heavily on your mind?

Honestly, the weather doesn’t even phase me anymore. It can rain, snow, hail, thunderstorm but only the university blues can dampen my mood. What good is a sunny and warm day if the academia life has you feeling down and out?

& there will be brighter days… I hope.

You’d think that when you’ve hit rock bottom, there’s no where to go but up. Well, in a sense I guess that’s right.

But — of course, pessimistic me says — what if you can’t go up? What if you just stay at the bottom because there is no method or mechanism for elevation… no motivation for elevation.

It’s a dark and disheartening world at the bottom. You smile, but is it real? you laugh, but is it genuine? It’s only a matter of time where you get pushed back down again after you feel like you’ve finally reached that level of motivation to go up.

It may all seem vague as context and depth are lacking but it’s true.

There is some optimism in me. Some. I know I’ll reach that state again. I will be truly happy again.


vanish, venture & ventilate.

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