He was struggling with virtual schooling.

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*Content warning: mentions of suicide

I was at my desk working when my daughter came to me with her iPad to get help for one of her online friends, an 11-year-old boy, who had expressed feelings of wanting to die by suicide.

He said: “I think I’m just gonna go kill myself. Nobody cares about me anyway.” He mentioned virtual school being a real challenge for him. My daughter didn’t know much about the boy. …


I found it yesterday while looking for my keys and I don’t even remember writing it.

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* Content warning: Suicide

I know for what suicide attempt this letter, or series of notes, was written. It was from early 2020 — January, I believe. I don’t remember writing it, but finding it and reading it was so strange. It was under my mattress.

It’s so surreal. There is this sense of “Did I really write this?” and “What was I thinking?”

From this letter, I learned that I definitely was not of sound mind when I attempted suicide earlier this year. Reading it makes me ashamed of myself for taking the situation so casually. I know better…


An Aspie’s life lesson from a social experiment

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As·pie /ˈaspē/ INFORMAL

noun. a person with Asperger’s syndrome.

I spent last summer with my cousin and we worked on a personal development project for me. Actually, it was more of a social experiment. I wanted to be “normal.” She agreed to take me on and be my Neurotypical Coaching Person. Crazy, you say?

It’s really not that crazy to understand why I would want that. See, I have Asperger’s Syndrome, though technically it’s not a diagnosis anymore, as it was removed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual in the 2013 update. (The DSM is a diagnostic tool that American…


There is no predictability involved.

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I’m really struggling with a broken heart, and being autistic adds a nuance to my healing journey. I keep trying to reason with myself, and it’s just not working. I think about the processes that happen in my brain when I’m dealing with the pain. I think about the neurotransmitters and the roles they play in the way I’m feeling.

I tried to outsmart my broken-heartedness on a few of occasions. First, I read that love is a bond that is caused by chemicals. Oxytocin, to be exact. I’ve read about oxytocin. I know we release it when we have…


A true story about an autistic child’s faith in her adoptive mother

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Prologue

I didn’t know what boogeymen haunted my mother, but she always cautioned me to be wary of strangers. “They will take you away.” “Where will they take me?” I asked. She said, “Only God knows. That’s why you have to stay with me.”

I asked her “Why would they want me?” Noticeably uncomfortable, she stated simply, “They want little girls.”

I thought about it for a second and then I thought I’d found a logical solution. “Can I just be a boy, then? They don’t have as many rules as girls, and I don’t like all these rules, anyway. I’d…


It’s not just for me.

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I write about stuff that many people would find embarrassing. I suppose I don’t need to admit that I have to actively work on my own implicit biases. I don’t have to talk about my cringeworthy dynamic with my sister (who absolutely never cares what I write about her). I don’t need to tell the story of when I was date-raped by a “good friend”, or how I’m eight months into still trying to get over my emotionally abusive ex.

These are really embarrassing stories. But really, what is embarrassment? Why would I care if…


I know because I made them up today.

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My therapist told me last week that my homework for this week would be for me to choose three personal boundaries and explain why they’re important to me. “Easy, peasy, lemon-squeezy,” I thought.

“I’ve got boundaries! I’ve got tons of ‘em!”

Then yesterday, I thought, “Whoa, therapy is Wednesday. I’d better write my boundaries down so I can be prepared. My mind drew a blank.

I laughed my usual nervous laugh.

“I know I have boundaries. They’re around here somewhere…”

I decided to keep working my patient list. …


I’m, like, totally for real.

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I’m, like, obsessed with Joe and Beck’s relationship. I like Season One. I like Joe and Beck.

Joe’s a sicko, right? Oh, man. He’s right up my alley. He’s obsessive and deranged. He’s a psycho stalker guy and he watches Beck’s every move. I want to be watched… I want to be protected.

Joe’s obsession with Beck doesn’t stop because he sees her with other men. He’s patient. He’s confident. Dare I say, he’s a feminist?

He totally knows exactly how to engineer her love through careful manipulation of every circumstance in her life. …


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Earlier this month, I wrote about drug pricing and ways to save money, but I decided to break the information down into an easily digestible listicle, so that the information could reach more people. I’m really serious about saving money on medication, because cost is the number one barrier I encounter when assisting patients in meeting their healthcare needs.

So, Let’s get right to it.

1. Prescription Discount Cards

These are cards that you can find in the waiting room of many doctor’s office and you can also find them online. Just Google “Prescription Discount Cards.” The way they work is that they sell the idea of a large consumer…


A teeny tiny musing about love.

Photo by Author

I can’t sing. Like, I really cannot sing. I sound like a dying dog who also has anxiety and clinical depression.

BUT

My daughter loves my singing voice. At first it wasn't that surprising. She was was a tiny baby so I just figured she enjoyed the familiarity from her 8 months in the womb.

Then she got older and would demand that I sing the “Snuggle Puppy” book by Sandra Boynton to her multiple times in one night. “No, Mommy! Sing it!” And then, “Again!”

Then, she became a big girl.

I sing…

Rachel Magadán

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