I have gone through a lot of changes in the past year and more specifically in the past month. I don’t know why you’re reading this, but thank you for doing so. I know your time is valuable and I still don’t know how to express gratitude to that effect quite yet so maybe with a bit more background information this “thanks” may affect you in a different way.
Well, I suppose I might as well let the cat out of the bag to begin with: I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. It all “started” Thursday July 14, when I suffered a “break” with reality, causing my friends, family, and coworkers to be concerned for my well being. Unaware of all this, I assumed that I was being “kidnapped” and forced against my will everywhere I went and entered the emergency room kicking and screaming against the better judgement of my mom and best friends. Even looking back on this incident, I know I wasn’t myself and I feel so ashamed that it got to such a breaking point. To my friends who were there in that moment, thank you. Thank you for recognizing that just because I thought I was brilliant, it doesn’t mean I wasn’t suffering deep inside despite my own happy train of thought. Thank you for putting up with my shenanigans for the past few months and for the coming months if I forget to say thank you again. I don’t know where I would be without you, and even if it took me to one of the lowest lows, I will never forget the amount of support and love I received from all of you. Thank you.
Thank you for continuing. I don’t know how much you know me or think you do, but for me the hard part to talk about is what came after July 14. I was hospitalized and observed for a period of at least three days although no one really seems to know exactly how long I was hospitalized since I technically signed myself into the “rehabilitation center” (though I have no memory of this occurring, neither do my parents or friends). At this center I was observed showering, eating, listening, watching, cleaning, chatting, using the telephone, denied basic information such as the answer to the question “what is this medicine for” and subsequently reprimanded for my “refusal to comply”. If I wasn’t crazy before, I certainly was crazy in that institution. I don’t know how much of what happened inside was actually real, but I’ve never felt more like a prisoner in my life, and I never hope to feel that way again. I am choosing to share this very personal account because I still feel the need to say thank you to this institution. They made me suffer in ways I don’t even comprehend, but I won. I got out. I made myself stronger to overcome those barriers. I had something to fight for, and more importantly, I had a network fighting for me.
Thank you so much to all my friends and family for saving me every single day, thank you for caring and proving it not only with your words, but with your actions. I know I may do “crazy” things sometimes, and I know that I have “big” ideas…but thank you for listening anyway. I know this is going to be a long process of me “figuring out who I am” and if you want to stick around and help me along the way, I will gladly say again, thank you.
For a bit more information about Bipolar Disorder please visit: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/bipolar-disorder/index.shtml
And if you have any questions about me or my story please don’t hesitate to ask! I’m still learning more about what happened to me, what I did, and I would love any additional insight into my situation.