For the last two weeks, I have tried to blame my lack of drive and enthusiasm on a variety of excuses.
My family has been off on holiday or home for days off — this has been so distracting that I can’t work.
My partner has events and stuff to attend — I can’t possibly work hard when I know I’m going to leave in a couple of hours.
My friends and family are so distracting. I have too many chores to do. There’s a new show on Netflix I should watch for ‘research’. I don’t have enough time.
Here’s the thing: there are always other things that I can do instead of writing.
These are just excuses.
Yes, life is full of distractions, responsibilities and commitments.
Life is a constant balancing act of social activities, work and self-care. There is always something else that needs to be done and something that demands your attention.
These distractions are less for those who work a regular job. If you do your work in a place that is not your home, you have created some sort of separation but for those of us who have chosen the freelance life, we do our work where we live which sounds great yet in reality it can be frustrating.
Yes I can work from anywhere but I can also work from anywhere: a coffee shop, or a wedding, or on vacation with your family, or in a library, or at the dining room table, or in bed… you get the idea, I really mean anywhere.
This means working never leaves me. I have to force myself to clock out.
Freelancing is the best (and worst) of both worlds: I can work on something I am passionate about but because I don’t hate it, I don’t know when to stop.
1,2,3… time for burnout
The issue is when you can’t stop working, you burn out and for creative people this is easy to do. Your brain never stops so it’s going to keep going until you grow to hate the very thing you love.
For freelance writing, the endless process of pitching and rejections can knock your confidence and self-belief. For every successful article I get out into the world, at least 20 articles have died and been ignored during the pitching process.
When burnout occurs, you need a break but it’s coming back from the break that can be the hardest thing to do. Coming back from a short break is when I decide to make so many excuses to avoid facing my feedback, frustrations and obstacles head-on.
Taking a break can make you relaxed and the idea of returning to the genuinely endless process of freelancing is stressful.
You’ve finally relaxed so why would you want to get stressed again?
Why do we make excuses
Dr Claudia Aguirre discusses on Headspace the real root of why we make excuses for self-sabotaging behaviour.
Making excuses can not only hurt our own performance in whatever we hope to achieve but also our motivation.
Unfortunately, this behaviour comes from fear; we are scared of being hurt and we are distracting ourselves to avoid any unpleasant emotions.
We don’t want to feel shame and anxiety so we make excuses.
The only problem, which Aguirre points out, is that making excuses only serves our best interest when they are “credible and maintain both value for the goal and sympathy for the excuse-maker”. Excuses are only valuable if they still help you meet your goals but if the excuse doesn’t help you meet your goals in life and rather helps you avoid facing them then it is detrimental for your health in general.
As Dominic Soh discusses for Thrive Global, excuses start off with good intentions. You want more time to recuperate, or relax before starting a large project. It becomes an issue when the excuses become greater and more prevalent. If you can come up with an excuse to get out of every single thing that would be challenging (even if it helps you towards your goals) then you’re not pushing yourself forward and you’re dragging your feet.
The only way you can go is forward, you can’t go backwards.
The thing about life is we don’t get to go back. We are moving forward all the time whether we like it or not. It’s an inevitability.
So why are you digging your heels in when you don’t really have a choice but to move forward?
How to stop making excuses
You are in control of your life and your perspective.
One thing I have learned from meditation is that your own assumptions about how life should be prevent you from taking control of your emotions and actions.
Yes, life should be fun and we should all have lots of money yet we don’t and we need to accept that these things won’t change by sitting dwelling on how things should be.
“You can make excuses or you can make an impact… But you cannot do both.” — Dominic Soh
You can make excuses or you can achieve something. That’s how simple it is. You cannot procrastinate and at the same time make steps towards your life goals. If you pass on the opportunity, you’re missing out on the experience you could possibly gain from it.
3 ways Rhett Power, for Inc., avoids making excuses are asking if the excuse is a lie, reflecting on why you made the excuse, and finding people to hold you accountable. That’s exactly it.
When you start making excuses ask yourself these questions:
- Is it true?
- Why did I make that excuse?
- What am I avoiding?
- Who can I rely on to hold me to account?
- Was that excuse for my higher good?
Holding yourself to account is as important as having someone else hold you to account. You are responsible for your own goals and life. You are in control of you.
Life is going to throw things at you that are unfair or traumatic but if you don’t get back up afterwards, or even try to, then it’s only you stopping you from achieving something.
Getting back up is the most important part so get back up.
