
Waking up every morning, I would check my mirror first to see what new spots have surfaced on my face. This was a daily occurrence for me for the last 14 years of my life. Growing up with acne has been one hell of a journey. I know a lot of people may not think of it as a serious issue, but the mental and physical side effects it causes took a toll on me. Only a few of my close friends and family knew what I was going through over the years. So much so, that after several years of contemplating taking the controversial medication: Roaccutane, I finally caved in and decided it was time to at least give it a try.
When it all started
So to give you a bit of background around my acne journey, from the age of 11 I have been in and out of hospitals and GP practices, speaking with consultants and dermatologists about my acne. I’ve been prescribed what feels like everything under the sun. From different creams and tablets such as Zineryt, Duac gel and Tetralysal 300 (antibiotics). I’ve had friends, family and sometimes even strangers provide their advice on how to clear my acne. I have vivid memories of an aunty at church trying to sell me a cream to clear my acne. And mind you, around this time I thought my acne was getting better. The worst experience was in my early teenage years. Whilst I was in Tesco with friends, a random lady stopped me to provide what she thought was “advice” on my skin and picking spots. She then continued to do the rest of her food shopping whilst I was having a mini-breakdown in my head.
Fast-forward to 2016 I was still suffering with mild to severe cystic acne, so I decided to book another appointment at my local GP. During the GP appointment, I explained how my acne was affecting my life in various ways. It was taking a toll on my confidence and I was tired of the physical pain of having cystic spots on my face. I mentioned how there have been occasions where I have canceled arrangements with friends and family as I didn’t want to be seen with my acne. The doctor then suggested I try Roaccutane. For most severe acne cases, Roaccutane is seen as a last resort when all options have been exhausted. I was very hesitant to try Roaccutane as I had already researched all the possible options and was aware of how strong the drug was. Here is a list of the side effects ( some were stronger than others for me):
- Dry skin
- Depression
- Itching
- Rashes
- Dry nose, nosebleeds
- Cracks in the corners of the mouth
- Dry mouth, dry lips
- Cracking or peeling skin
- Inflammation of the whites of the eyes
- Dry eyes
- Joint pain
- Back pain
- Dizziness
- Drowsiness
After going through the pros and cons with the doctor, I came to the decision that I would not start the Roaccutane treatment as I was very worried about the side effects. I knew about the purging phase where my skin would get worse before it got better and I didn’t want to go through with that. Also, I was slightly worried after reading about the depression and suicidal stories that had been linked to the medication. As a result, I opted for a topical cream to help with my ongoing acne, but as always that didn’t help.
The Final Straw
Moving forward to June 2018, my friend recommended an acne kit to help with my skin. I was very sceptical at first as I’ve tried several acne kits that didn’t work but decided to give this one a go. The treatment was supposed to be for 6 months. I ended up only using it for 4 months until November 2018 as it didn’t work for me and at this stage, I was at my breaking point. A few days after finishing the acne treatment I booked another appointment with my GP as I thought now is the time to start Roaccutane.
I remember calling my friend whilst in the GP to tell her I would no longer be taking the acne kit she suggested as it wasn’t working. During this appointment, I broke down and explained to the doctor about my ongoing struggle and frustration with my acne and how I was ready to start taking Roaccutane. The doctor explained how the medication works and he could tell from my medical history that I had been prescribed several creams and tablets to take which weren’t successful and that hopefully, Roaccutane would be the one to clear my acne. I was then put on the waiting list to be seen by the dermatologist. Initially, I was supposed to be on the waiting list for 6 months, however, as I explained to the GP how the acne was affecting my day to day life, it ended up being only 2 months. The next stage after this GP appointment was my referral at the hospital to start the treatment.
Two months later in January 2019, I had my first hospital appointment with the dermatologist. During this appointment, she went through the background of the drug and the side effects. I was advised on the process and that I would need to have monthly visits at the hospital for blood tests and to have my weight taken to ensure the medication wasn’t affecting my health. I finally felt a sense of relief that this could potentially help with my acne but also felt quite anxious that if Roaccutane didn’t work then what next?
The Roaccutane journey
So, my Roaccutane treatment started a month later in February 2019 and lasted 6 months. I started on a dosage of 30mg later going up to 60mg. The dosage is calculated by the doctor and is dependent on your weight, height and monthly blood tests. The reasoning behind the dosage increase is to dry out the sebaceous glands in your body (oil glands), which should prevent acne production. Nevertheless, the higher the dosage the stronger the side effects. I didn’t go through the infamous purging stage that most people deal with however, I suffered from some of the other side effects.
The first major one being dry skin, lips and hair. My skin was so dry that I would be able to feel it flaking away and putting on makeup at times wasn’t even worth it, as there was a high risk that it would end up looking very cakey. Also, the dry lips meant I had to stock up on Carmex every two weeks and I wouldn’t dare leave it from my sight. There were also skin pigmentation issues I dealt with. As a black woman, Roaccutane can make you lose the pigment in your skin and it also increases your skin’s sensitivity to the sun. For me, this made the skin around my lips turn extremely pink and I lost the pigment in certain areas on my face. Also, the sensitive skin meant I would often get rashes on my hands and scratches on my body very easily; frequent nose bleeds, very bad joint pains(to the point it was hard to drive at times), dry eyes and styes on my eyelids.
Now one of the most concerning side effects is depression. There have been several cases where people have committed suicide whilst on the medication, although there haven’t been any scientific links to these cases. Hence why it is so important to have monthly check-ups with the dermatologist and express if there are any signs of depression. I often felt moments of being down whilst on the medication. I was in two minds on whether this was to do with life in general or whether the medication was taking a toll on me. Looking back on it, I believe it was a mixture of both scenarios.
A way I managed to overcome this feeling was by seeing other people’s journeys in the Roaccutane community on Instagram. I created an account dedicated to documenting my journey @raeaccutane. It was amazing to see people embrace their flaws. People like @freethepimple, who is doing amazing things in the skincare community to challenge beauty standards. Being able to see their journey, ask questions on acne-related issues and know it wasn’t only me that was going through this was very helpful.
The light at the end of the tunnel
I ended my treatment in September 2019 and overall it was a success story for me as I no longer have acne or oily skin. As the medication takes another 6 months to detox from my body, I am still experiencing dry skin, however, I am using hydrating creams and serums to tackle this issue.
I am very grateful that I can now wake up in the morning and not have to worry about getting new spots on my face. I can now look at my reflection confidently without feeling down about my skin. Most importantly this journey has taught me a lot about self-love and self-care. Although at times, the side effects started to become very strong and tested my limits; this made me even stronger. The whole journey reinforced the meaning behind “embracing your flaws” and looking beyond what society has set as the ideal beauty standards.
